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174 ways to call a penis something other than “penis”!

June 8, 2011
By

Whatever you call it, its mine!

NCFM San Diego members are writing a play. It’s a take-off on the Vagina Monologues and may be ready by November and International Men Day. In the process our aspiring playwrights decided to compile a list of synonyms for the word penis to use while writing. It appears that  the word “Penis” may have more synonyms than any other word in the English language. If they missed any, please leave the missing penises in the comment section below. Admittedly, some are a bit obscure but a penis by any name us still a “deep-V-diver”. Here ya’go:

Adolph
Albino Cave Dweller
baby-arm
baby-maker
baloney pony
beaver basher
beef whistle
bell on a pole
bishop
Bob Dole
boomstick
braciole
bratwurst
burrito
candle
choad
chopper
chub
chubby
cock
cranny axe
cum gun
custard launcher
dagger
deep-V diver
dick
dickie
ding dong mcdork
dink
dipstick
disco stick
dog head
dong
donger
dork
dragon
drum stick
dude piston
Easy Rider
eggroll
Excalibur
fang
ferret
fire hose
flesh flute
flesh tower
froto
fuck rod
fudge sickle
fun stick
gigi
groin
heat-seeking moisture missile
hog
hose
jackhammer
Jimmy
John
John Thomas
Johnson
joystick
junk
kickstand
king sebastian
knob
krull the warrior king
lap rocket
leaky hose
lingam
little Bob
little Elvis
lizard
longfellow
love muscle
love rod
love stick
luigi
manhood
mayo shooting hotdog gun
meat constrictor
meat injection
meat popsicle
meat stick
meat thermometer
member
meter long king kong dong
microphone
middle stump
Moisture and heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love
Mr. Knish
mushroom head
mutton
netherrod
old boy
old fellow
old man
one-eyed monster
one-eyed snake
one-eyed trouser-snake
one-eyed wonder weasel
one-eyed yogurt slinger
pecker
Pedro
peepee
Percy
peter
Pied Piper
Pig skin bus
pink oboe
piss weasle
piston
plug
pnor
poinswatter
popeye
pork sword
prick
private eye
private part
purple-headed yogurt flinger
purple-helmeted warrior of love
quiver bone
Ramburglar
rod
rod of pleasure
roundhead
sausage
schlong
schlong dongadoodle
schmeckel
schmuck, shmuck
schnitzel
schwanz
schwartz
sebastianic sword
shaft
short arm
single barrelled pump action bollock yogurt shotgun
skin flute
soldier
spawn hammer
steamin’ semen truck
stick shift
surfboard
Tallywhacker
Tan Bannana
tassle
third leg
thumper
thunderbird 3
thundersword
tinker
todger
tonk
tool
trouser snake
tubesteak
twig (& berries)
twinkie
vein
wand
wang
wang doodle
wanger
wee wee
whoopie stick
wick
wiener
Wiener Schnitzel
willy
wing dang doodle
winkie
yingyang
yogurt gun
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124 Responses to 174 ways to call a penis something other than “penis”!

  1. Steve Fye on May 12, 2018 at 7:44 PM

    How ’bout Schneiderman?

  2. Ken Hom on April 10, 2018 at 8:04 AM

    I absolutely LOVE beef whistle! … uhm, I didn’t mean that as it sounded 🙂

  3. Jack on February 26, 2018 at 12:54 PM

    Pink Torpedo, as in “I like to sink her with my pink torpedo” – Spinal Tab

  4. Lois on January 14, 2018 at 8:47 PM

    Trouser Trout, delicious upward curve, Willy

  5. Dan on November 14, 2017 at 6:21 PM

    Master Splitter

  6. Casey Gribling on November 1, 2017 at 11:08 PM

    Flesh flavored lollipop

  7. Paul on October 21, 2017 at 3:43 PM

    cocktail sausage, love-salami, main event, pleasure-promise

  8. Sylwog on October 11, 2017 at 8:07 PM

    I’m off to squeeze the Lizard, the Wonderful Lizard of Ooze!

  9. Dick McAvoy on September 7, 2017 at 11:16 AM

    Weasel? Rooster? Saber? Among others — rather incomplete list, eh?

  10. Tina Stgermaine on July 30, 2017 at 8:29 AM

    Cockwalk.

  11. Steve Tyler on June 4, 2017 at 9:28 AM

    I am writing a western/romance and I invented the term “Trail Boss,” to call my Characters penis.

  12. Your Mom on May 22, 2017 at 12:25 PM

    Bill Clinton

  13. Richard Wostly on May 19, 2017 at 7:53 PM

    Mother nature’s injection. Life syringe. The sperm wand.

  14. Robert Floyd on March 13, 2017 at 8:52 AM

    How about Dicktaphone (speak into my) .
    Woody
    Tent Pole

  15. frank on March 1, 2017 at 11:59 PM

    nine inch nail

  16. june on February 2, 2017 at 10:52 AM

    A genocus

  17. DADDY JOE on January 22, 2017 at 5:21 AM

    Add BEND HUR, MAIN GUN, 1 EYED TROUSER TROUT, HERCOMERR, WATCHES ME SHAVE, RANGEROVER, COUSIN ITT

  18. That One Guy on December 11, 2016 at 9:26 AM

    Hmm, how about toothbrush?

  19. Willy on December 5, 2016 at 1:59 PM

    Pretty Boy
    Bazolicker
    Kick Stand
    Fella

  20. Tmstew28 on November 5, 2016 at 5:09 AM

    Quick Draw McGraw

  21. flinthills2 on November 3, 2016 at 5:46 PM

    “Arrow” or “Protein Shake”

  22. Richard Hughes (nickname is Dick, how proud can a man be!) on October 16, 2016 at 7:50 PM

    I don’t see “St. Martha of Assi” listed, nor do I see my 4th all time synonym, “Mathew.”

  23. Isl Gypsy on September 20, 2016 at 2:43 PM

    Dingypoo for the guy,
    Poodingy for the girl.

  24. AP Lit on July 20, 2016 at 9:34 PM

    pants dragon, and captain thick

  25. Asswipe on July 13, 2016 at 12:03 AM

    free willy

  26. Harry Balsak on June 11, 2016 at 10:54 PM

    How is it even possible that “crank” didn’t make this list???

  27. Keith Mullen on June 2, 2016 at 5:13 PM

    The first thing I ever heard it called, as a baby and up to and through at least age 7, was “Ninny”. As in, “When will you learn to aim your ninny better?”

  28. k. lisowick on May 31, 2016 at 1:54 PM

    Blue Vain custard chucker, High hard one, mr. Happy, fudge packer, peashooter, Hairy pole, horny toad, hard on, Monster, peanut,genital

  29. Hermon Von LongSchlongstein on May 8, 2016 at 12:54 AM

    Betty Cock-it

  30. HerschelDudek on March 29, 2016 at 8:57 PM

    what about this::::

    Drilling Tool

  31. Joey on March 27, 2016 at 12:15 AM

    Eleventh finger

  32. Jas Hilsdon on March 2, 2016 at 10:46 AM

    “Pink Torpedo”, from “This Is Spinal Tap”.

  33. TarHeelViking on January 13, 2016 at 6:27 PM

    Mjolnir (The name for Thor’s Hammer, uh that’s another good one)
    Thor’s Hammer

  34. Matt s on January 7, 2016 at 8:16 AM

    I call mine Aretha Franklin.
    Cause sometimes it’s real fat and other times it’s not. But she I wake up it looks at me and sings. “Respect yourself”!

  35. TC on January 1, 2016 at 3:49 PM

    One-eyed Japanese soldier wearing a German helmet

  36. ann doe on December 12, 2015 at 3:43 AM

    Anyone remember the Scud Missile?

  37. Garry on August 12, 2014 at 8:05 AM

    pocket rocket

  38. scoot on August 11, 2014 at 7:59 PM

    for lebanese people, lebanese sausage

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