Fathers

April 15, 2011
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It takes two to make one. Each of us has a right to know ourselves, who we come from. Dads are important.

Fathers have historically been denied equal parenting rights with mothers.  The 19th Century “tender years” doctrine, which explicitly gave mothers custody over children ages 13 and younger, was later replaced with the “best interests of the child” doctrine, but the gender bias persisted.  As late as 1971, the Minnesota State Bar Association’s handbook advised lawyers and judges that “except in very rare cases, the father should not have custody of the minor children. He is usually unqualified psychologically and emotionally.” Time Magazine, 11/11/03, “Father Makes Two,”

To this day in the U.S., fathers usually ask for 50% custody while mothers ask for, and get, 80% custody.  Fathers become mere visitors and must pay draconian support amounts with little enforcement of their parenting time.  See, Cynthia McNeeley, “Lagging Behind the Times, Parenthood, Custody and Gender Bias in the Family Court,” on the statistics and also  debunking the myth that fathers get custody 70% of the time when they request it.

According to an Urban Institute study entitled “What About the Dads?”, child protective services attempted to contact fathers of children at risk in their mothers care only a little over half the time, even though they knew the father’s identity in 86% of cases.
In many parts of the world, discrimination against fathers is still explicit in the laws.  For example:

Father involvement is a very important part of a child’s development, behavior and well-being.

Research also shows fathers are equal with mothers in nurturing instincts and capabilities. 

Research on the laws in Holland, Belgium and Germany that controls for pre-existing conflict shows presumed joint physical custody is the best solution and reduces conflict.

Although we often hear about “deadbeat dads,” maternal resistance to father involvement (or, “maternal gatekeeping) is a significant factor in the shortage of father involvement. See

In fact, research shows most men would quit their jobs or lower their pay if their partner could support the family.

And despite strong negative stereotypes against teen fathers, research shows most teen dads are anxious to participate in parenting, and that 82% reported having daily contact with their children, 74% said they contributed to the child’s financial support, and almost 90% maintained a relationship with the mother.  “Teenage Fathers: The Missing Father Myth,” Time Magazine, 6/21/05.
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Fathers also face widespread false accusations in child custody cases.  Many state laws have automatic presumptions against custody when restraining order issues, creating an incentive to lie.  The California State Bar has expressed concern about restraining order abuse.

Proposed solutions: (1) Presumed joint, bi-locational, physical custody of children with equal timeshare absent a contrary agreement or clear and convincing proof of abuse/neglect; (2) Strong enforcement of court-ordered parenting time and penalties for violations; (3) No presumptions about custody from restraining orders; (4) Prosecution of false accusers; (5) Balanced, objective, science-based training of judges on domestic violence and other policies relating to children; and, (6) Fair and equitable support guidelines.

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24 Responses to Fathers

  1. Raul Pelcastre on December 2, 2013 at 6:53 PM

    Petition has expired, can you start another one? Or we can get organized to start one? 559-288-8277 Raul Pelcastre

    • michelle on January 4, 2014 at 2:41 AM

      i am starting one

  2. Partridge on September 22, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    Children’s separation and alienation from their father, denying a father access to his kids, and false allegations from a vindictive ex-wife of abuse and criminality, are nothing new, as the story of Dorothy Dandridge’s childhood illustrates, in the first five minutes of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3tSPOqBNUo

    • Partridge on September 23, 2013 at 7:33 AM

      And in a final act of vindictive evil cruelty, Dorothy’s mother Ruby gave her father Cyril the wrong date to attend Dorothy’s funeral, so he missed her last farewell.

  3. Pedro on August 30, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    I was give sole and legal custody of my Daughter when she was 1 year old the mother just gave it to me, the judge spend 30 minutes asking her if she was sure and if she was been treat by me she say no and custody was give to me. after 2 years I ask her to help me economicly and she told me the day that you place Child support that day I will take our daugther from you, I seek for advice and I was told not it was my wright to place the child support when we have our first court she claim that she want the custody because she love her daugther I show prove that for the past 2 years she was present in our daughters life maybe the 30% of her time i present all kind of prove even police reports that she was agressive with me but they ignorme, they order that she was goin to have our daugther tueday and wednesday but she did not follow the order and she stop seeing our daughter for 5 weeks i prove it in court the judge ignorme again and gave her more days and Share custody the discrimination is big abusive and no body does anything maybe is just that i dont know what to do anymore theres any isntitution that can review my case the videos and see that im being discriminated for my condition of bein a Men please help.

  4. luke on April 12, 2013 at 12:35 AM

    I’ve been divorce for a year now. My ex moved out two months after my kid was born. I did the best I could for damage control. My advice is to stay as clam as you can and try to settle before it goes to court. I get to see my kid not as much as I like but more than what I’ve read. I pray every day for my little girls safety and well being. I try not to blame my self and stay strong for her. This system will break this country some day.

    • SG on May 19, 2014 at 4:15 AM

      “This system will break this country some day.” Not sure if the system will break the country but for sure has destroyed the very fabric of this country. They don’t need to look any further than the teen pregnancy stats and the number of shootings around the country. I have not seen my kids for 6+ years and won’t even recognise if they pass me in a mall.

  5. kirk on February 5, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    This so true. We should take a stand for the intolerable injustice towards fathers, and or men for that matter. I am currently torn between what to do. My wife accused me 3 moths ago of domestic violence; a plan she cooked up for 4 days prior to me getting arrested. She went and made a report while I was at school, came back home and lied to my mom that she is taking our three daughters for doctor’s appointment and then out to the park. Iittle did I know that she had used this excuse to take off with our kids. When I got home about 8:45 pm my mom expalined that she had not answered her phone and the sheriff’s department was looking for me. I called her phone and sent a few text messages but no answer. I with my dad decided to got to the local PD to find out what was going on and why the sheriff’s department was looking for me. Subsequently I was arrested in the parking lot of the PD after asking them for help to find my wife and our three kids. I was arrested on three charges. 1) domestic violence and battery, 2) she had reqested a TRO and move out order from my home that was bought by my sweat and blood while avoiding road-side bomings in Iraq, 3) I was also arrested the the following day at my home while getting some of my belongings, for violating the TRO even though I was never served. I went through the cour procedings for the past three months adn got all of them dismissed and not once did my wife even attempt to accompany me, even though she pretended to have made a mistake and over-reacted.

    Now the day before the last hearing she did the same thing again, packed bags of clothing for her and the kids, same docotor story to my mom and this time she has been gone for 10 days. I have had only two 1 minute phone call from her phone with my kids, and two text messages saying that she cannot talk to me especially after 8 pm and I have no knowlege of thier whereabouts and I haven’t seen them for 10 days.

    Prior to her leaving she made several phone calls to my VA couselor. I confronted him as to what was he discussing with my wife without me being present and or notifying me that she has tried to contact him and his supervisor. His response was that it was confidential and that I was following the script of typical stalking my wife through phone records (not that I was a concerned father whose wife and kids went missing for over 24hours ) and I am concerned that his phone number was first and last called made that day). Additionally, the agreement was to contact me if this occasion occurs. Thirty minutes after I ended the conversation with the VA couselor, CPS ad hrecieve a referal for DV(according to the Case worker when I spoke to her about the referal).

    Fellow fathers what’s your take on this? What should I do. Should I go to the police, work with CPS, file for separation/divorce with request for custody and or leave it alone.

  6. [...] Fathers [...]

  7. Child abuse from the bench — the Lt. Colonel Joel Kirk story | NCFM, Los Angeles on September 13, 2012 at 12:39 PM

    [...] Fathers [...]

  8. [...] contest custody or to relinquish it entirely. When fathers do fight for custody they win in 70% of cases. The gender bias is actually against mothers, as it turns out. __________________ To view links [...]

  9. Brian on May 2, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    I am currently fighting a court case in Wisconsin in which the Judge held the entire hearing off the record and then stated false information for a few minutes at the end when he went on the record. He threatened to jail me if I contested his version of events. My ex lies at every court hearing and there are never consequences for perjury. Ultimately I make just over minimum wage and the judge ordered me to pay $833 a month in child support. Why is it so hard in this day and age to expect any honesty from anyone involved in the family courts? They really do get of on screwing men over as if we need to pay for the offenses of our great grandfathers.

  10. DARREN on February 4, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    I CAUGHT MY WIFE CHEATING WITH WOMEN MULTIPLE TIMES.I NEVER LEFT HER OR MADE HER LEAVE OUR HOME DUE TO US HAVING A CHILD. SHE TOOK ME TO COURT AFTER 11 YEARS OF DEALING WITH HER AFFAIRS AND TOOK MY VEHICLE AND MY DAUGHTER AND I PAY $573 CHILD SUPPORT FOR MY DAUGHTER. MEN HAVE NO PLACE IN FAMILY COURT. WHY PAY MONEY FOR AN ATTORNEY WHEN THE COURT DOESNT WANT TO HEAR YOUR SIDE ANYWAY?

  11. Eric on January 27, 2012 at 12:58 PM

    All I know is I am alone, lost everything (including my kids) was not informed I had to appear in court in the first place… now they are taking my license, passport, school aid … all from a stay at home parent for 7 years who's cheating wife ambush divorced him and took his kids. Let's not get into the fact she allows a convicted pedophile to have access to the kids… I am at the end of my rope. nothing left.

  12. Marc on December 7, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    On 12/6/11, the United Nations declared that Israel discriminates against divorced fathers, and called on Israel to cancel the Tender Years Clause that grants automatic custody over children in divorce cases to their mothers. http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/150455

  13. JOHN GOZZOLINO on September 29, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    I KNOW THIS HAPPENS TO SOME WOMEN AND NO MATTER WHICH GENDER, WHEN A JUDGE MAKES UP HIS OWN LAWS WITHOUT ANYONE TO ACCOUNT TO AND SHITS ALL OVER THE CONSTITUTION, CANT BE SUED, JAILED, THATS WAY TO MUCH POWER TO GIVE ANY HUMAN BEING , ESPECIALLY WHEN PLAYING GOD WITH HUMAN BEINGS LIVES, I DONT KNOW HOW THESE ANIMALS CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.

  14. JOHN GOZZOLINO on September 29, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    This country now is for women, to take a mans children and treat himlike an animal as though he has no feelings but just a paying slave with nothing to live on to support himself or to put roof over his head, then if you fight them in court they hit you with legal fees to pay so to destroy you financially, i see divorce lawyers and family court judges as the scurge of the earth and only comparableto the nazis in ww2, only they kill you slowly and torture you slower. LOSS OF CHILDREN YOU RAISED AND LOVED, POVERTY, STRESS, ANXIETY, THREAT OF JAIL IF YOU DONT PAY DUE T O LOSS OF JOB, THERE NOTHING BUT NAZIS WITH DEGREES…………MAKES ME SICK

  15. john gozzolino on September 29, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    i live in nj and divorced for 4 yrs, i lost my children, lived on 60.00 a week and would be homeless if not for my brother taking me in, lost my house i inherited on a lie my x wife made up in court, in fact she didnt even show up for court. i had nervous breakdown from it, this court system is set up to destroy a man mentally and physically, i am living in poverty while my x wife lives in her boyfriends house and living the life of luxury, these judges should be jailed for what they are doing. had i have known about family court i would have never gotten married or had children, i dont see them anymore anyway and after all the brainwashing probably wont see them again, america the land of the free, that is the furthest from the truth. This country makes me sick and all the corrupt politicians who do nothing about it.

    • Abe C. Fathers on April 28, 2012 at 8:58 AM

      John, I agree that your situation is unfair. I have run into similar circumstances. This story of fathers injustices are being continued by the courts and it needs to stop. Brainwashing has happened to my 3 children and this is abuse to children. The trend now to make laws about bullying as abuse but not recognize similar things in parental alienation. America is not protecting father's rights. I have published my horrible story in the book titled "Divorce Rape", available at http://lulu.com/abecfathers/.

      Fathers are seen for their money in a divorce and not equal as a father to their children to maintain a relationship.
      As a father, no one ever questioned when I became a father. When I was involved with the divorce, I was being challenged and no one was listening to me in what was wrongly being done by the mother/ex-wife.

    • Garrett on September 27, 2012 at 9:33 PM

      This so called court system is a farce the judge is so biased and discriminates so much against man it’s not even funny. We need to take a stand we should not stand for this no more

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