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Fathers

April 15, 2011
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It takes two to make one. Each of us has a right to know ourselves, who we come from. Dads are important.

Fathers have historically been denied equal parenting rights with mothers.  The 19th Century “tender years” doctrine, which explicitly gave mothers custody over children ages 13 and younger, was later replaced with the “best interests of the child” doctrine, but the gender bias persisted.  As late as 1971, the Minnesota State Bar Association’s handbook advised lawyers and judges that “except in very rare cases, the father should not have custody of the minor children. He is usually unqualified psychologically and emotionally.” Time Magazine, 11/11/03, “Father Makes Two,”

To this day in the U.S., fathers usually ask for 50% custody while mothers ask for, and get, 80% custody.  Fathers become mere visitors and must pay draconian support amounts with little enforcement of their parenting time.  See, Cynthia McNeeley, “Lagging Behind the Times, Parenthood, Custody and Gender Bias in the Family Court,” on the statistics and also  debunking the myth that fathers get custody 70% of the time when they request it.

According to an Urban Institute study entitled “What About the Dads?”, child protective services attempted to contact fathers of children at risk in their mothers care only a little over half the time, even though they knew the father’s identity in 86% of cases.
In many parts of the world, discrimination against fathers is still explicit in the laws.  For example:

Father involvement is a very important part of a child’s development, behavior and well-being.

Research also shows fathers are equal with mothers in nurturing instincts and capabilities. 

Research on the laws in Holland, Belgium and Germany that controls for pre-existing conflict shows presumed joint physical custody is the best solution and reduces conflict.

Although we often hear about “deadbeat dads,” maternal resistance to father involvement (or, “maternal gatekeeping) is a significant factor in the shortage of father involvement. See

In fact, research shows most men would quit their jobs or lower their pay if their partner could support the family.

And despite strong negative stereotypes against teen fathers, research shows most teen dads are anxious to participate in parenting, and that 82% reported having daily contact with their children, 74% said they contributed to the child’s financial support, and almost 90% maintained a relationship with the mother.  “Teenage Fathers: The Missing Father Myth,” Time Magazine, 6/21/05.
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Fathers also face widespread false accusations in child custody cases.  Many state laws have automatic presumptions against custody when restraining order issues, creating an incentive to lie.  The California State Bar has expressed concern about restraining order abuse.

Proposed solutions: (1) Presumed joint, bi-locational, physical custody of children with equal timeshare absent a contrary agreement or clear and convincing proof of abuse/neglect; (2) Strong enforcement of court-ordered parenting time and penalties for violations; (3) No presumptions about custody from restraining orders; (4) Prosecution of false accusers; (5) Balanced, objective, science-based training of judges on domestic violence and other policies relating to children; and, (6) Fair and equitable support guidelines.

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25 Responses to Fathers

  1. Ray Mueller on March 2, 2019 at 7:59 AM

    Divorce happened in 2012, 50/50 custody of 2 children. Main issues of divorce were getting kids back in school (mother had taken them out of school for 3 years to “un-school them), and get them fully vaccinated (mother didn’t believe in vaccinations. Mother re-married, convinced 15 year old daughter to stay with her full time, and promptly sued me for child support. I had started my own business so that I would have the flexibility to care for my kids. With new husbands money, mother hired high price lawyer who set out to prove I was making far more money than I was. I either had no lawyer, or a lawyer who would accept very little payment. She won of course, and I was ordered to pay child support equal to 2/3 my income. I was eventually charged with contempt of court for not paying all the child support, and ended up spending 4 weeks in jail until my sister and friend came up with the $30,000 the judge said was the only way I could be released. Oldest daughter no longer speaks to me, and I now have full custody of my teenage son. However, lost my business and now have enormous debts. The Sheriffs in the jail said they see this all the time. Women get a break if they can’t pay child support, judge reduces it. Men get thrown in jail. Laws are biased against men, and so are the courts. How man more lives and families will get seriously damaged before this gets fixed???

    • David Bruce Loomis on March 2, 2019 at 2:35 PM

      I don’t want to break your spirit, but BILLIONS of dollars change hands on a regular basis. The legal industry (please do not call them the Justice Department) are predictably taking whatever stand available which will continue or increase their incomes. Women (emboldened by the communist desire to weaken every moor of our society possible) don’t want equality, they want advantage. As with every subset of humanity, even a subset of one, they will take any advantage available and rationalize they deserve it with any delusion, belief system, or any blatant lie with which they can maintain their advantage and sleep at night. Many women (especially those from an absent father environment) have no compunction about eviscerating the life and livelihood of whatever man they hold in disdain for whatever reason. Anyone thinking that will change simply by stating the truth or filing a couple of legal cases is deluded, especially given the present anti man political climate. In fact, the worth of fathers is purported as negligible if not irrelevant by the pro woman media and supported by the liberally influenced psychology field.

      The present system will not stop until forced to stop. The present political environment advocates the general psychological castration of manhood from many directions(schools, laws, movies, etcera ad infinitum). We are unlikely to assemble enough men with the balls to stand up and unequivocally reject the present system. We are not willing to take whatever consequences necessary to stop the abuse and veritable enslavement of men in domestic court. We will either have to ALL refuse to pay “child support” (the system couldn’t put us all in prison at the same time), or many people will have to die at them same time standing against them. Something like showing up at a courthouse with demolition tools and force them to shoot us down rather than stop might garner minimal media attention. The man who immolated himself in front of a court house didn’t get any more than a brief local mention as some crazy guy.

      We can talk crap, whine and plead all we want. They don’t care. I know. I tried everything (even ran for office several times). Save your breath and man up if you really want to make a difference. First, we have to show men where their balls are.

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    • David Bruce Loomis on February 25, 2019 at 12:30 PM

      I was completely destroyed by a paternity case. Both the judge (James Beasley) and the plantif’s attorney (Jim Ward – now the minority speaker of the Kansas House) are on the Association for Honest Attorney’s “corrupt list” and orchestrated, aided, and abetted in my destruction. At the time, I had been in the military for 17+ years, had a top secret security clearance, spotless criminal record, owned my own home (with the bank), and had twin daughters from another such paternity case three days a week. I consequently left both the military (with 18 years of service – no retirement) and the country in a desperate attempt to be free. I was forced to return due to immigration discrimination against whites. Attempts to lower “child support” and enforce “visitation” (fathers are just visitors in Kansas – not parents) were utterly useless. I spoke to the issue in court when I had nothing left to lose subsequently serving two years in jail for the heinous crime of “contempt of court (contempt is appropriate to the contemptible). I suffered extreme mental and emotional trauma and wound up on VA disability. Attempts to receive Social Security disability were countered by a judge’s opinion that I was just trying to get out of paying child support. I gave up on seeing my daughter after failure of the court to enforce the visitation order and total lack of funds to fight court battles when they were done with me. The mother of my last child gave up my daughter to her grandmother for 15 1/2 years and had no legal obligation to inform me of that change of custody. My daughter located me when she turned 18 and we now have a great relationship. Unfortunately, she is now a textbook example of “absent father syndrome” and has had extreme difficulty in making good and rational decisions (that’s a long Greek tragedy). I have done quite a bit of research in the past and know well how and why it has gotten as bad as it is (hint: it begins at the federal level). Feel free to contact me, study my case, include any and all names in this brief missive (it is all factual and provable), and use it or me for the purpose of furthering mens rights in any way you deem helpful. I definitely have nothing left to lose and would treasure the thought that my destruction had come to some purpose or meaningful change to the horrors and veritable slavery of men in domestic court. I will join your coalition as soon as I get my March social security payment (which is garnished for $300.00 every month to pay back child support to the women that did not have real custody of my daughter). My contact number is (316) 992-5919.

  3. Antwon Williams on December 7, 2017 at 5:30 AM

    I went to trial yesterday. The sex offence on my record took president over the allegations. Cps said that I was scorned because of the break up. I asked for help because my children are being damaged by PaS. It was 3 friends and a stranger(me)in the court room

  4. dale allen on February 9, 2017 at 9:57 AM

    i hae been raising my son since 11 months old on my own his mother took off she has come back and forth so much he dont know how to react. now she has this new b/f in her life and since has had a child with him. he is a great father to his daughter no doughts. but now he has told her if she cant be in my sons life then how can she be in thiers?. so she has now finaly been doing better on visits but wants joint custady and the courts after 7 years of being in and out of his life is willing to give it to her just becouse she is his mother? i been paying child support for 18 years and never got a chance to be in the life of the ones i pay child suport for. and yet she pays no child suport and i am suposed to just let go after 7 years?

  5. Colin Amos on May 13, 2016 at 11:48 AM

    “Although we often hear about “deadbeat dads,” maternal resistance to father involvement (or, “maternal gatekeeping) is a significant factor in the shortage of father involvement.” It is so upsetting to see these types of cases. Complete parental alienation which only causes the children to miss out on their father’s time.

  6. Raul Pelcastre on December 2, 2013 at 6:53 PM

    Petition has expired, can you start another one? Or we can get organized to start one? 559-288-8277 Raul Pelcastre

    • michelle on January 4, 2014 at 2:41 AM

      i am starting one

  7. Partridge on September 22, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    Children’s separation and alienation from their father, denying a father access to his kids, and false allegations from a vindictive ex-wife of abuse and criminality, are nothing new, as the story of Dorothy Dandridge’s childhood illustrates, in the first five minutes of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3tSPOqBNUo

    • Partridge on September 23, 2013 at 7:33 AM

      And in a final act of vindictive evil cruelty, Dorothy’s mother Ruby gave her father Cyril the wrong date to attend Dorothy’s funeral, so he missed her last farewell.

  8. Pedro on August 30, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    I was give sole and legal custody of my Daughter when she was 1 year old the mother just gave it to me, the judge spend 30 minutes asking her if she was sure and if she was been treat by me she say no and custody was give to me. after 2 years I ask her to help me economicly and she told me the day that you place Child support that day I will take our daugther from you, I seek for advice and I was told not it was my wright to place the child support when we have our first court she claim that she want the custody because she love her daugther I show prove that for the past 2 years she was present in our daughters life maybe the 30% of her time i present all kind of prove even police reports that she was agressive with me but they ignorme, they order that she was goin to have our daugther tueday and wednesday but she did not follow the order and she stop seeing our daughter for 5 weeks i prove it in court the judge ignorme again and gave her more days and Share custody the discrimination is big abusive and no body does anything maybe is just that i dont know what to do anymore theres any isntitution that can review my case the videos and see that im being discriminated for my condition of bein a Men please help.

  9. luke on April 12, 2013 at 12:35 AM

    I’ve been divorce for a year now. My ex moved out two months after my kid was born. I did the best I could for damage control. My advice is to stay as clam as you can and try to settle before it goes to court. I get to see my kid not as much as I like but more than what I’ve read. I pray every day for my little girls safety and well being. I try not to blame my self and stay strong for her. This system will break this country some day.

    • SG on May 19, 2014 at 4:15 AM

      “This system will break this country some day.” Not sure if the system will break the country but for sure has destroyed the very fabric of this country. They don’t need to look any further than the teen pregnancy stats and the number of shootings around the country. I have not seen my kids for 6+ years and won’t even recognise if they pass me in a mall.

  10. kirk on February 5, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    This so true. We should take a stand for the intolerable injustice towards fathers, and or men for that matter. I am currently torn between what to do. My wife accused me 3 moths ago of domestic violence; a plan she cooked up for 4 days prior to me getting arrested. She went and made a report while I was at school, came back home and lied to my mom that she is taking our three daughters for doctor’s appointment and then out to the park. Iittle did I know that she had used this excuse to take off with our kids. When I got home about 8:45 pm my mom expalined that she had not answered her phone and the sheriff’s department was looking for me. I called her phone and sent a few text messages but no answer. I with my dad decided to got to the local PD to find out what was going on and why the sheriff’s department was looking for me. Subsequently I was arrested in the parking lot of the PD after asking them for help to find my wife and our three kids. I was arrested on three charges. 1) domestic violence and battery, 2) she had reqested a TRO and move out order from my home that was bought by my sweat and blood while avoiding road-side bomings in Iraq, 3) I was also arrested the the following day at my home while getting some of my belongings, for violating the TRO even though I was never served. I went through the cour procedings for the past three months adn got all of them dismissed and not once did my wife even attempt to accompany me, even though she pretended to have made a mistake and over-reacted.

    Now the day before the last hearing she did the same thing again, packed bags of clothing for her and the kids, same docotor story to my mom and this time she has been gone for 10 days. I have had only two 1 minute phone call from her phone with my kids, and two text messages saying that she cannot talk to me especially after 8 pm and I have no knowlege of thier whereabouts and I haven’t seen them for 10 days.

    Prior to her leaving she made several phone calls to my VA couselor. I confronted him as to what was he discussing with my wife without me being present and or notifying me that she has tried to contact him and his supervisor. His response was that it was confidential and that I was following the script of typical stalking my wife through phone records (not that I was a concerned father whose wife and kids went missing for over 24hours ) and I am concerned that his phone number was first and last called made that day). Additionally, the agreement was to contact me if this occasion occurs. Thirty minutes after I ended the conversation with the VA couselor, CPS ad hrecieve a referal for DV(according to the Case worker when I spoke to her about the referal).

    Fellow fathers what’s your take on this? What should I do. Should I go to the police, work with CPS, file for separation/divorce with request for custody and or leave it alone.

  11. Brian on May 2, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    I am currently fighting a court case in Wisconsin in which the Judge held the entire hearing off the record and then stated false information for a few minutes at the end when he went on the record. He threatened to jail me if I contested his version of events. My ex lies at every court hearing and there are never consequences for perjury. Ultimately I make just over minimum wage and the judge ordered me to pay $833 a month in child support. Why is it so hard in this day and age to expect any honesty from anyone involved in the family courts? They really do get of on screwing men over as if we need to pay for the offenses of our great grandfathers.

  12. DARREN on February 4, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    I CAUGHT MY WIFE CHEATING WITH WOMEN MULTIPLE TIMES.I NEVER LEFT HER OR MADE HER LEAVE OUR HOME DUE TO US HAVING A CHILD. SHE TOOK ME TO COURT AFTER 11 YEARS OF DEALING WITH HER AFFAIRS AND TOOK MY VEHICLE AND MY DAUGHTER AND I PAY $573 CHILD SUPPORT FOR MY DAUGHTER. MEN HAVE NO PLACE IN FAMILY COURT. WHY PAY MONEY FOR AN ATTORNEY WHEN THE COURT DOESNT WANT TO HEAR YOUR SIDE ANYWAY?

  13. Eric on January 27, 2012 at 12:58 PM

    All I know is I am alone, lost everything (including my kids) was not informed I had to appear in court in the first place… now they are taking my license, passport, school aid … all from a stay at home parent for 7 years who's cheating wife ambush divorced him and took his kids. Let's not get into the fact she allows a convicted pedophile to have access to the kids… I am at the end of my rope. nothing left.

  14. Marc on December 7, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    On 12/6/11, the United Nations declared that Israel discriminates against divorced fathers, and called on Israel to cancel the Tender Years Clause that grants automatic custody over children in divorce cases to their mothers. http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/150455

  15. JOHN GOZZOLINO on September 29, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    I KNOW THIS HAPPENS TO SOME WOMEN AND NO MATTER WHICH GENDER, WHEN A JUDGE MAKES UP HIS OWN LAWS WITHOUT ANYONE TO ACCOUNT TO AND SHITS ALL OVER THE CONSTITUTION, CANT BE SUED, JAILED, THATS WAY TO MUCH POWER TO GIVE ANY HUMAN BEING , ESPECIALLY WHEN PLAYING GOD WITH HUMAN BEINGS LIVES, I DONT KNOW HOW THESE ANIMALS CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.

  16. JOHN GOZZOLINO on September 29, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    This country now is for women, to take a mans children and treat himlike an animal as though he has no feelings but just a paying slave with nothing to live on to support himself or to put roof over his head, then if you fight them in court they hit you with legal fees to pay so to destroy you financially, i see divorce lawyers and family court judges as the scurge of the earth and only comparableto the nazis in ww2, only they kill you slowly and torture you slower. LOSS OF CHILDREN YOU RAISED AND LOVED, POVERTY, STRESS, ANXIETY, THREAT OF JAIL IF YOU DONT PAY DUE T O LOSS OF JOB, THERE NOTHING BUT NAZIS WITH DEGREES…………MAKES ME SICK

  17. john gozzolino on September 29, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    i live in nj and divorced for 4 yrs, i lost my children, lived on 60.00 a week and would be homeless if not for my brother taking me in, lost my house i inherited on a lie my x wife made up in court, in fact she didnt even show up for court. i had nervous breakdown from it, this court system is set up to destroy a man mentally and physically, i am living in poverty while my x wife lives in her boyfriends house and living the life of luxury, these judges should be jailed for what they are doing. had i have known about family court i would have never gotten married or had children, i dont see them anymore anyway and after all the brainwashing probably wont see them again, america the land of the free, that is the furthest from the truth. This country makes me sick and all the corrupt politicians who do nothing about it.

    • Abe C. Fathers on April 28, 2012 at 8:58 AM

      John, I agree that your situation is unfair. I have run into similar circumstances. This story of fathers injustices are being continued by the courts and it needs to stop. Brainwashing has happened to my 3 children and this is abuse to children. The trend now to make laws about bullying as abuse but not recognize similar things in parental alienation. America is not protecting father's rights. I have published my horrible story in the book titled "Divorce Rape", available at http://lulu.com/abecfathers/.

      Fathers are seen for their money in a divorce and not equal as a father to their children to maintain a relationship.
      As a father, no one ever questioned when I became a father. When I was involved with the divorce, I was being challenged and no one was listening to me in what was wrongly being done by the mother/ex-wife.

    • Garrett on September 27, 2012 at 9:33 PM

      This so called court system is a farce the judge is so biased and discriminates so much against man it’s not even funny. We need to take a stand we should not stand for this no more

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