…and, girls can start bullying when they are very young.
Santa Rosa Press Democrat article
NCFM NOTE: Thank you Shaylene for you insight and courage to help your friend and many others. Thank you Steve DeLuca for sending us this article.
āGirlsā relationships are so important that their everyday lives revolve around social media, so thatās where we see a lot of bullying.ā Shaylene King
The bullying side of mean girls
In age of social media, nasty behavior among young women can escalate; mom, daughter try formula to fight it
By DIANA GILBERT
TOWNS CORRESPONDENT
Last year when Jordan King heard girls making snide remarks toward others in her class, she knew they were being mean. This year, after her close friend was the target of such behavior, Jordan calls it something different: Bullying.
Jordan is 13, and, with her mom, Shaylene King, is on a mission to raise awareness of what bullying looks like, especially among preteen and teenage girls. They call it the Mean Girl Extinction Project.
āA lot of girl drama really can be considered bullying,ā said Shaylene King, who used to be a teacher and now writes novels for ātweens.
āItās easy for us to think of it as girls being hormonal or over-reacting, but if you get a group of girls together who havenāt learned how to deal with these things, it can become dangerous.ā
Jordan has seen the effects firsthand.
This past summer, she learned that two middle-school classmates had made a video of themselves saying hurtful and disparaging things about Jordanās friend, then posted it on Facebook for all to see.
Jordan discussed the incident with her mom, and the pair decided to do something about it. But while King wanted her daughter to support her friend, she also didnāt want Jordan to put herself in the middle of a bad situation.
āI was very concerned with how to help Jordan support her friend, but I was concerned that she would become their next target if we didnāt handle it appropriately,ā said King.
They decided to create The Mean Girl Extinction Project, which started as a website and blog where both bullies and targets can come for help, guidance or support.
This fall, the pair has focused on spreading awareness about bullying locally, speaking at Windsor High and the Sonoma County Commission on the Status of Women.
As King has done more research into bullying, especially among young women, she has been surprised by some of what sheās learned.
āWhat I was realizing is that girls are using relationships as a weapon. They are so relationally minded that itās an easy way to target others. Itās called relational aggression,ā said King.
The growing importance of social media for teens has changed the appearance of bullying.
āGirlsā relationships are so important that their everyday lives revolve around social media, so thatās where we see a lot of bullying.
āFor my generation, a rumor that spread would stay in our social circle or at our school. With social media those attacks reach a wider audience and feel much more permanent and unavoidable,ā she said.
The effects of bullying can vary in severity, according to King. These effects can include high anxiety, depression and skipping school.
āKids who are bullied just donāt want to go to school,ā King said. āThey end up showing aggression at home because thatās a safe place to do it. Often they lash out at their parents or siblings.
āMany bullied teens also turn to drugs and alcohol. Some girls become sexually promiscuous because they want to be affirmed in some way. Self-mutilation by cutting is a big one, and even suicide.ā
As both King and her daughter become better informed about the manifestations and effects of bullying, Jordan has become more aware of those behaviors at her own school and among her peers.
āI see bullying almost every day in my classes. I see the same stuff happen again and again. I remember seeing it last year just not fully thinking ā I knew that what was happening wasnāt right, but I didnāt think of it as bullying.ā
Jordan has chosen to respond in a way that she hopes will make her classmates aware of their behavior. When she sees someone say or do something that looks like bullying, āI say to the people āThatās not very nice,ā or āYou probably shouldnāt be mean to her.ā ā Her new awareness has brought with it some reflection on what causes girls to be mean to one another.
āI think mostly in my grade, they use their insecurities to point out others so they donāt feel that their insecurities are as bad. I do think people intentionally do bullying to make them feel better about themselves or think that theyāre cool. They want to give themselves a better reputation or feel stronger or better than another girl,ā said Jordan.
When King or Jordan becomes aware of a bullying situation, they recommend first taking the issue to the school or organizational leadership if itās taking place during extra-curricular activities. Then, King suggests that students get involved in community activities where they can gain acceptance.
Speaking up about bullying doesnāt come easily to most targets, however.
āI donāt think they talk about it because theyāve been bullied so much that theyāre embarrassed,ā said Jordan. āThey donāt want to be made fun of. They donāt want their parents to shake it off as drama. For me, even, I get really sensitive when people say stuff about me. Even when I know itās not true, it still affects me.ā
King add, āThereās that fear that the bullies will retaliate if they say anything and make it worse, so they just take it.ā
Jordan and King know that eradicating bullies, or āmean girls,ā is a daunting task, so theyāre looking for ways to expand the project.
āWeāve used our own money to buy those silicone bracelets that say āMean Girl Extinction Project,ā ā said King, ābut weād like to get some grant money so that we can start providing resources to the schools. Thereās just no funding for this sort of thing in the schoolsā budget.ā
To learn more about the Mean Girl Extinction Project or how you can help, visit https://the-mean-girl-extinction-project.com.
Article from the Santa Rosa Press Democrat 01/06/2013, Page T04 but we could not find a link to it.
Bullying
Bullying
Great work. Now if we can get the same group to be as enthusiastio about female bullies who target the men in their lives, we will add encouragement to improvement.
It burns me up when I see a female, taking advantage of her sex, coupled with exploiting unnatural, but conscripted male restraint (only if his attacker is female), to carry out her punishment and control. Males are never allowed to do this and even aren’t “supposed” to defend themselves in this context. I think women should be equal, no?
It is high time we require women to be the equals they fought so hard to be.
Preferential treatment for women actually prevents true equality—which constantly gets reinforced by the very treatment women automatically get just for being female.
I would like to direct your attention to the current actions by an African country of Zimbabwa, that after enlisting the services of women in the military, giving full and equal authority, that, upon re-introduction into normal society, well, they just kept being the brutal soldiers and have to prove by their friends, co-workers and neighbors that they are not a threat. Because of the increased violence against men. Seems they can’t shut it off, like men are accused of, but much worse, as it has become a National problem.