Men, pre-nuptial agreements and parenting plans

by Uncle Joe, Godfather to American Men

Men and women have to accept that marriage in the state’s eye is a joint venture contract.  The marriage is a merger of two separate entities pursing a joint venture because the two parties decided they had mutual interests – in this case – pursuing love, not profit – and wanted to form a partnership.  When the joint venture no longer satisfies one or both individual entities interest the joint venture has failed and needs to be dissolved.  Essentially divorce, similar to dissolving a joint venture, is about inventorying the marriage/venture’s assets and  liabilities to distribute them.    Smart businesses entering joint venture contracts define how a venture or partnership will be dissolve when the reasons for entering the joint venture no longer exist. Marriage as defined by state the in the 21^st century requires the same approach, further complicating a marital dissolution are children born during the marriage, and determining how they will be parented to adulthood. This issue is perhaps the most important issue.

In this article I want to focus on the importance of addressing parenting plans in the pre-nuptial agreement.  If your future spouse does not desire to discuss this issue then it’s a harbinger of what is to come in the marriage. If she does not want to rationally discuss it up front – do you really think you will have a rational discussion in the middle of an emotionally driven divorce?

Here are three reasons both spouses should discuss and agree on shared parenting before committing to moving forward in marriage:

Children need both a father and a mother! In the last few decades, social science – facts not feelings – show children who have significant time with both parents avoid the large number of risk factors such as teen pregnancy, high school drop-out, drugs or other addictions than children from single parent households.

Limit the emotional costs to both spouses: parents can focus their emotional capital to helping the children to transfer to a divorced family environment, instead of winning against the ex-spouse.  A current movement towards changing government policy from a 19^th century model awarding sole custody to one parent; to the 21^st century model of shared parenting is gathering political and societal support, but it will take time.  Meanwhile, custody hearings in the adversarial court system pitting each parent against the other to prove they are the better parent brings more emotional damage and pain and often encouraged by divorce industry players who earn their income by encouraging fighting.  Deciding parenting plans before marriage and placing it in the pre-nuptial will make a potential divorce less painful – but most important the emotional energy consumed by long and bitter custody litigation can best be focused on the children

Limit the financial costs to both spouses and conserve financial capital for the children:  Child Custody is one of the most litigious and never ending disputes divorcing parents spend fortunes on; agreeing before marriage will save tens of thousands of dollars that could be best use for the children.

Young people in love hope to feel their love is so strong that they will “beat the odds” and their marriage will last.  Taking the time and preparing a pre-nup is perhaps one of the best tools to ensure a marriage will last.  By doing so, the smart couples will learn their partners values and can address important issues and increase communications and understanding between the two partners.  By going through the pre-nup process and making contingencies for parenting should divorce happen is the best give you can give your future children.

Men need parenting plans in their pre-nups.