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NCFM Member Tim Patten, Jealousy and Toxic Femininity

March 8, 2016

jealousyJealousy and Toxic Femininity

We men are the most remarkable and resourceful beings on Earth. Civilization depends on us. Indeed, consider what we have accomplished: we’ve harnessed fire[i] and electricity;[ii] built the Seven Wonders of the World;[iii] and even explored the depths of the oceans and nether reaches of our universe. Our world–from plants to animals to humans–is critically dependent on our ability to hydrate[iv], nourish[v] and energize[vi] all manner of living things. Increasingly, precious resources, including fresh water, the elixir of life, are becoming harder to find. Because of this, each generation relies ever more strongly on us men, especially the youngest among us, as defenders of our future.


When we are born, we inherit the DNA of ancient man’s accomplishments. Over time, our inner strengths and inherent cultural virtues must be allowed to develop and mature, so that everyone can enjoy exceptional lives of freedom, love and success. However, this evolution is often stopped dead in its tracks. One reason is because many of us are no closer to understanding the depths of a woman’s heart, nor the complexity of the female mind, than our fathers, and their fathers, were.


In truth, our biological imperative is repeatedly hijacked or misdirected because of female jealousy and toxic femininity. Often, this happens remarkably quickly, at a time when our fellow humans need us more than ever to help them realize their full potential. Most often, it is because we fall prey to love and instinctual desires that lead us down the path to failed dreams and lost visions.


Young Men and Dating

Imagine you are a 17-year old high school senior who has just retired a dusty old chemistry set to focus on the chemistry of women, instead. You might enjoy joking and messing around with guy friends while looking at magazines–Playboy or Sports Illustrated, perhaps. You visit beaches or parks and glimpse at girls in modest attire. You dream about naked women, masturbate and search online for porn. Like millions of men, you’re completely normal, looking forward to savoring the delights and attractions of woman and their flesh.

After a while, you meet a girl. You are anxious to act on the powerful urges that have been welling inside of you. Her beauty spins your “love dial” higher. The most powerful drug in the universe is coursing through your veins; you are in a state of blissful paradise. After months of flirting and intense courtship, you’re going steady and have become part of an exclusive “item.” She is a hypnotic mystery, one you can’t take your eyes off. She makes you feel like someone with extraordinary powers. Your balls swell and friends see you as “The Man,” the one with the smashing beauty. You are flying higher than you ever have before. It’s the most fantastic experience of all–love–and you don’t want it to stop.

Jealousy Enters the Relationship

Then, all of sudden, things change–like the day when you almost set fire to your bedroom with that chemistry set. She hits you and yells, “Why are you looking at other women?” and “Respect me!” She releases a list of demands: “You can’t talk to other girls–delete them from your digital devices and social media profiles.” She becomes increasingly suspicious, even going so far as to monitor your car mileage. She micromanages every aspect of your life and demands to know who you’ve been speaking with and seeing throughout the day. She questions the time you spend with family and friends or on hobbies or anything else she is not a part of. She becomes extremely emotional and cries regularly.

Your heart drops to the ground. “What the hell happened?” you wonder. Your first instinct is to kowtow and beg for forgiveness. You feel like a jerk and begin to regret not sticking with the single-guy routine of simply jerking off. You’ve seen other girls get mad at their boyfriends, but you assumed they deserved what they got. You haven’t done anything wrong–or have you?

Sadly, like millions of other young men, you have been preyed upon by female jealousy and suspicion–toxic femininity. Unless you can escape, endless drama and repeated confrontations will take center stage in your once-loving relationship. You are at a crossroads. If you make the wrong move, it may well destroy every hope and dream that you ever had.

The fact is, you really need to prepare. You need to learn about the opposite sex and the nature of women, including the jealousy that comes with dating them. You need to learn all of this–fast!

The Origin of Feminine Jealousy

Jealousy reflects insecurity, fear, anger and violent anxiety over an anticipated loss of a human connection. Each of us experiences it; however, not all of us wield it like a weapon that can manipulate and destroy others. This is, in fact, what women do, earning them the hallowed “Golden Asshole Award” for cruelty and recklessness.[vii]

Females have been conditioned by social constructs since time immemorial to believe that they must be thin, beautiful and accommodating, and must strike a nearly impossible balance between being virginal and fuckable, to ensnare and keep men. These primitive behaviors were necessary because women depended on men for survival, protection and food. If females could not maintain their grip, they would starve.

Eventually, they evolved feelings of jealousy that alerted them when meal tickets might be lured away. They would then be driven by an animal-like vengeance to fight for what was theirs, breeding a unique kind of violence. If the battle was lost, they were left vulnerable, exposed to an array of threats.

Like much of the instinctual behavior we inherited from our Neanderthal ancestors, jealousy was useful before we progressed into modern societies. In a civilized world, those living in huge metropolises need to get along. This antiquated emotion is no longer desirable; at the very least, it needs to be better managed. We live in a world of gender equality, where the survival mechanisms of the ancients are no longer beneficial. Instead, they are seriously damaging.

Sadly, many of the women’s movements that have arisen over the past century have failed to address this destructive and obsolete legacy of our primitive past. Toxic jealousy remains in the frontal lobes of many women, spurring them to intimidate, damage and oppress their men, often without realizing it. In reaction to this, men will suppress the brain’s learning centers in favor of survival responses, even if it is only to cope with the drama of a jealous girlfriend. This tragic situation inevitably leads to hopelessness. It is truly a tragedy that such a negative force has held back so many of us, especially those who are young, from achieving our deserved ambitions.

Today’s Relationship Realities

All of us must come to grips with today’s relationship realities, most of which are not being adequately addressed or discussed. Contrary to popular opinion, women are often more aggressive, dominant and controlling than men.[viii] This puts undue stress on us; we face the dizzying conundrum of how to manage interactions that are ostensibly loving but painfully oppressive. Oftentimes, we suffer our lover’s violent rages because they falsely suspect us of infidelity or of coveting other women.[ix] Based on gut feelings alone, women will often lash out and destroy property. They will create lies. They will poison our relationships with friends and, in some cases, completely ruin our lives. Sadly, society and most men simply laugh this off. It’s a gesture that reflects outdated perspectives of a time when only men did the fighting.

But the fallout from feminine jealousy is not just a tragedy; it’s also a waste. When we could be doing something positive for the future of a relationship, we are undermined and trampled on, instead. We are held back even as we struggle to prove the depth and strength of our “true love.”[x] If women don’t trust us, they will pester, nag and question us. Passionate discussions invariably turn into heated arguments.

Such outcomes are the catalyst for many incidents of domestic violence. However, no matter who might initiate the bickering that leads to pushing or hitting, men are usually singled out as the women-beaters—and are often jailed for it.[xi] There are entrenched social and law enforcement biases that assume males are at fault when, in reality, women’s jealousy and aggression facilitates millions of violent acts every year. [xii][xiii] Disturbingly, this behavior is also responsible for the murder of over 1,200 Americans annually.[xiv][xv]

Managing Jealousy


It can’t be said enough: jealousy has outlived its usefulness. Most of us will carry on into our eighties and we will have several lovers; life is too short to be constantly hit with this negative destructive emotion.  But it can be managed if we–both men and women–face it head on, overcoming the feelings that stir inside of us. Unfortunately, people who have not mastered their jealousies are not fit for dating. But that doesn’t mean that they or any of us who are caught in their grip can’t move forward. Whether we engage in introspection or learn from others, it is possible to emancipate ourselves. Articles like “How to Break Free,”[xvi] “Five Techniques to Break from Jealousy,”[xvii] or “Overcome Jealousy and Be Happy”[xviii] can show us how.

Young Men’s Education

Gloria Steinem once told her millions of loyal female minions, “The surest way to be alone is to be married.” In reality, Ms. Steinem should have said that this message was for us men as well. Perhaps she should have added, “Monogamy and marriage are not only lonely but they’re an emotional hell for many men.” For no small number of us, the phrase, “till death do us part,” might be our blessed relief.

Where can we learn about female nature, marriage and divorce? Sadly, the educational system and the mainstream media are not reliable sources, but–and this is the good news–there are alternatives! Thousands of men are pouring their hearts and souls into online videos, spilling their guts and sharing their experiences for one and all. If we search for “MGTOW” on YouTube, we can find a connection or a compatriot, or perhaps someone to mentor us. Among those worth listening to are Sandman, Barbarossa, Thinking Ape, Turd Flinging Monkey, CS MGTOW, Jay De Black and many others. There is someone out there for all of us, regardless of our age or background.

These and other efforts can help to facilitate our awareness of the misguided and emotionally harmful ways that women interact with men. Without this knowledge, many of us can easily find ourselves confused, manipulated and trapped by sex and love.

Choose your Destiny

There’s little doubt that toxic femininity’s tentacles of jealousy can suffocate dreams and desires. Being free from these envious constraints allows us to choose a far more liberating and enlightened future. Some of us may well be destined for fatherhood, raising America’s future leaders alongside a quality partner. But others might decide that they would rather seek a cure for Alzheimer’s disease, colonize Mars, or mine space minerals on an asteroid. Grab hold of the emotional levers and dials and put every ounce of passion into achieving your true–and incredibly awesome–potential.

About the Author

Tim Patten authored the newly released MGTOW, Building Wealth and Power. He also wrote WHY I CHEAT11 campfire stories for men’s ears only. Both books are a celebration of masculinity and they pay homage to the modern men’s liberation movement.




















national coalition for men

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2 Responses to NCFM Member Tim Patten, Jealousy and Toxic Femininity

  1. Sue Nami on March 9, 2016 at 7:24 AM

    The above should read “I am curious to know how many people buy this author’s books . . ..”

  2. Sue Nami on March 9, 2016 at 7:22 AM

    I am curious to know how people buy this author’s books, which are promoted on NCFM’s website and Facebook page.

    That is, are they having any material effect on what the author calls “the modern men’s liberation movement” to merit being prominently promoted on these NCFM websites?

    Has a commercial publisher been publishing these books because there is a market for them or have they been self-published by the author?

    Just asking.

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