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NCFM PR Director Steven Svoboda book review, Simply Feminine by Morgan Wonderly

September 20, 2018

simply femininefeminst crusadesFANTASTIC BOOK. THREE CHEERS!

Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men. By Morgan Wonderly. Carlsbad, California: Crescendo Publishing, 2017. 177 pages. No price on book but book listed at $19.95 on Review by J. Steven Svoboda.

The author of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men styles herself as “America’s Femininity Mentor” and after reading her excellent and unique book, I am not going to disagree. Recent decades of feminist insanity have led to organizations being created that should have never been needed (National Coalition for Men) and also to superb books being written, like this one, which in a just, sensible world would never have been needed. But in this one, such books are badly needed.

 This book is set up in such a user-friendly way. Each chapter ends with a re-cap of the important points. Chapter 1 advises women, “Acting as imitation men only weakens us.” Is the author a cavewoman, wanting women out of the workplace and back in the house where they belong? If they and their spouses want that, sure, but not at all unless they do want it. Rather, the author writes, “Women can be effective leaders from an authentic feminine energy.”

morgan wonderlyWonderly is right that “men find us more beautiful than we do ourselves. Instead of noticing what’s wrong, men see what’s attractive.” Radiance is what men love above all else, a complement, not a competitor. And, politically expedient to say it or not, I agree that “nearly every man in history who has accomplished greatness had a loving and supportive woman standing by his side.” Having a woman to provide for, as the author writes, motivates men to create a more abundant existence than we need for ourselves. Even less politically fashionable is the author’s followup, “When it comes to a life and death situation, a man will unhesitatingly put himself in harm’s way to protect his woman and his family.”

Her third chapter on understanding the nature of men is great and heartwarming. Men are typically simpler beings than women, who own less stuff, speak fewer words, and do not require a lot to be happy—“admiration plus affection plus food.” Men focus on one area at a time and block out everything unrelated to the task at hand.

At points, Wonderly does present information that may not be familiar to many readers. She writes that men are often more vulnerable emotionally than are women and thus a typical man is “highly careful to whom he opens his heart…. A man protects his heart like a woman protects her body.” And again, for a typical male-female polarity, “when men are truly in love, they love more deeply than we do. For them, love trumps everything.”

One point she nails, over and over: Men need to be needed, and need to be admired, and need to be valued. Don’t tell us you are strong and don’t need men! That’s a huge turnoff for virtually any heterosexual man. And I agree that men enjoy being chivalrous and helping women, as long as we get a smile or some form of appreciation.

As my beloved wife and I have discovered (after we met through my gender equity work), embracing the differences between men and women adds delicious sexual polarity and sexual tension to a marriage. Women trying to be like men is such a bad idea for us to enjoy each other and also impossible! Viva la difference. “Otherwise, we risk getting stuck in a lukewarm, androgynous safety zone where men and women look and act alike, and find little attraction toward each other.”

Or to put it positively, again quoting the author: “If we want to live a life full of the excitement that becomes available to us through masculine-feminine polarities, we must find ways to allow men to be masculine and women to be feminine. Only then can we experience the thrilling tension of polarity that comes from the ensuing dance.” Wonderly invites us to envision a pair of ballroom dancers, the man happily making the woman the star and providing “a straight structural support so that the woman can spin, twirl, turn, dip, and frolic around him.” The author then invites us to imagine the same two ballroom dancers dressed identically and both trying to lead at the same time. The conclusion is clear.

There is no inequality implied by our differences. Men (typically) build houses and women (typically) decorate them and beautify them. And the result is wonderful. Along similar lines, the healthiest relationships are interdependent, with each partner gladly giving whatever they can, out of love and without keeping any type of score.

Wonderly fearlessly address a potentially tricky issue—many men’s preference for younger women. The author notes traits of younger women that may attract men: curiosity, appreciation of little things, excitement about life, ability to wear “girly” things such as ponytails and flowers in her hair. Wonderly suggests that women reconnect with their inner “little girl” and also cultivate vulnerability, the gateway to true intimacy. Other “simple” things: smile, wear a dress or skirt, dress to show off your curves, and dress somewhat modestly. Later the author wisely adds, “Remember, to a man, you are the work of art, not the outfit.” And let him be your hero! My wife does an awesome job at this.


NCFM NOTE: Morgan is a member of NCFM too.

national coalition for men


NCFM PR Director Steven Svoboda book review, Simply Feminine by Morgan Wonderly

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