Dear Mr. Buttigieg,

I read your recent Substack account of the ordeal your family just endured. An anonymous caller triggered a Child Protective Services investigation with a fabricated claim that you had confessed to “unspeakable violent crimes.” Michigan State Police and Child Protective Services (CPS) quickly determined the report was false, but not before your four-year-old children were sent to their grandparents, subjected to forensic interviews without you present, and separated from you for roughly 24 hours. You described it as among the darkest hours of your life. That pain is real, and no parent—regardless of politics, fame, or who they love—should have to experience it.

What happened to you was a malicious false report, the kind often compared to “swatting.” It was resolved relatively quickly. For that, your family was fortunate. Your public profile, resources, and the anonymous nature of the claim likely helped authorities move fast and clear you. Most men in America are not so lucky when false or exaggerated allegations of abuse or danger surface in family matters.

The 24-Hour Exception vs. the Typical Reality for Fathers

In family court and CPS interactions across the country, fathers routinely face immediate and prolonged separation from their children based on allegations—sometimes later proven false, exaggerated, or strategically timed. Emergency protective orders, temporary custody changes, and “no contact” directives can be issued on the strength of one parent’s word. The accused father is often removed from the home, limited to supervised visitation, or cut off entirely while the legal process drags on for months or years. Legal fees mount, jobs suffer, and relationships with children erode. Even when the allegations are ultimately not substantiated, the damage to the father-child bond and the father’s reputation frequently proves lasting.

You experienced 24 hours of this nightmare. Many fathers would consider 24 hours a miracle. Countless others lose primary access, or see their role reduced to that of a visitor and paycheck for far longer—sometimes permanently—despite later exoneration or lack of evidence. This disparity is not theoretical. Court data and studies over decades have shown mothers receiving primary physical custody in the large majority of cases where sole custody is awarded.

False Allegations and the “Women Don’t Lie” Narrative

Your case also highlights a broader issue: false allegations happen. They can come from anyone—anonymous callers, ex-partners, or third parties—and they inflict devastating harm on the accused, the children, and the family. Some advocacy narratives have long insisted that women virtually never lie about abuse, domestic violence, or child endangerment. This framing has influenced policy, training for law enforcement and courts, and public discourse, sometimes creating a de facto presumption that accusations against men are true until proven otherwise. The result is a system that can treat men as guilty by virtue of being male and accused. Sidelining due process, evidence standards, and the possibility of fabrication or manipulation, especially in high-stakes custody disputes where one side may have strong incentives to gain advantage, are not uncommon.

Surveys and analyses paint a more complex picture. A national YouGov survey found that roughly 8% of Americans report having been falsely accused of domestic violence, child abuse, or sexual assault—equating to over 20 million adults—with female accusers reported in a majority of those cases and a notable portion arising in custody contexts. Other research on family proceedings has found significant percentages of domestic violence or abuse allegations in contested custody cases later deemed unfounded, exaggerated, or false. False allegations cause real harm: lives are upended, children traumatized by conflict and separation, and genuine victims of real abuse sometimes undermined when skepticism grows from overreach.

The point is not that all allegations are false or that real abuse should be ignored. Real abuse of children and partners occurs and must be addressed seriously, with proper evidence and due process. The problem is a system that too often defaults to treating accusations against men as presumptively valid, especially when made by women, while fathers face an uphill battle to restore access and reputation even after clearance.

Family Law and Criminal Law: Patterns of Disadvantage for Men

This pattern extends beyond your CPS experience into broader family law and criminal contexts:

– Family law: Child support enforcement is aggressive and often unforgiving of changed circumstances. “Best interests of the child” standards can function in practice to favor the status quo primary caregiver (frequently the mother). Parental alienation claims by fathers are sometimes dismissed or minimized. Shared parenting presumptions, which research increasingly links to better outcomes for children in most cases, remain unevenly adopted or enforced. Research on parental alienation has documented how one parent’s systematic denigration, interference with contact, or false narratives can cause children to unjustifiably reject the other parent, leading to profound emotional harm, identity issues, anxiety, depression, and long-term relational difficulties for the child—effects that become far harder to reverse when temporary separations or limited parenting time are allowed to persist.

– Criminal law: In domestic violence and sexual assault cases, “primary aggressor” policies and “believe women” training have sometimes led to arrests or prosecutions with minimal corroboration. Men comprise the overwhelming majority of those incarcerated overall and face particular challenges in these allegation-driven cases. Acquittals or dropped charges do not erase the collateral damage—lost jobs, housing, relationships, and the permanent stain of public accusation. Due process protections that exist on paper can feel distant when emergency orders and media scrutiny precede any finding of fact.

None of this means men are never at fault or that women never face injustice. Men commit the majority of certain violent crimes; women face real risks and historical disadvantages in other areas. Genuine equality requires honest accounting on all sides—not erasing male victims of false claims or systemic bias, and not pretending either gender has a monopoly on truth-telling or victimhood.

Shared Parenting Reforms: A Concrete Path Pete Can Champion

Your 24-hour separation from your children—however quickly resolved—offers a visceral reminder of how easily the current system can fracture a parent-child relationship. This experience positions you uniquely to advocate for evidence-based reforms that prioritize children’s access to both fit parents.

One of the most impactful reforms gaining traction is a rebuttable legal presumption of shared parenting (often defined as equal or substantially equal parenting time and decision-making). Under this model—first enacted explicitly in Kentucky in 2017 and since adopted or advanced in states like Arkansas, West Virginia, Florida, and Missouri—courts start with the assumption that children benefit from substantial involvement with both parents, unless clear evidence shows it would harm the child (documented abuse, neglect, substance abuse, extreme distance, or other safety concerns). It is not a rigid 50/50 mandate in every case; it is a starting point that shifts the burden away from one parent having to “prove” their fitness while the other enjoys a de facto advantage.

Research strongly supports this direction. A consensus of experts reviewing dozens of studies found that children in shared parenting arrangements generally show better outcomes across multiple domains: lower rates of depression, anxiety, aggression, and substance use; improved school performance and cognitive development; better physical health; and stronger family relationships. Implementation in Kentucky was followed by measurable drops in court filings and domestic violence cases, with no evidence of increased child maltreatment. Such presumptions can also help counteract parental alienation by ensuring regular, court-protected contact that makes sustained manipulation or estrangement far more difficult to maintain.

Complementary reforms that could amplify impact include:

– Modernizing child support guidelines to include meaningful parenting-time offsets or adjustments. Current formulas in many states can create financial disincentives for shared arrangements; updating them encourages involvement rather than penalizing the parent who spends more time with the children.

– Judicial and professional education grounded in current social science. Training judges, attorneys, and mediators on the research consensus around shared parenting.  This helps to reduce reliance on outdated “primary caregiver” defaults that often favor one parent.

– Stronger safeguards against strategic or false allegations. Expedited review processes, consequences for proven fabrication, and better differentiation between genuine safety concerns and custody tactics would protect real victims while preventing the kind of trauma your family experienced from derailing parent-child bonds unnecessarily.

– Support structures for high-conflict or safety cases. Robust options like supervised visitation, therapeutic intervention, and clear standards for when shared parenting is inappropriate ensure reforms do not come at the expense of child safety.

These changes enjoy broad bipartisan legislative support wherever they have advanced and strong public approval in polling. As a thoughtful public figure and potential 2028 contender, you could help frame shared parenting as a children’s rights and family stability issue that transcends partisan divides—much like other evidence-based policies. Your personal story of rapid family disruption followed by relief could lend powerful credibility to calls for systems that default to keeping loving, fit parents in children’s lives rather than quickly severing those bonds.

An Invitation to the Broader Conversation

Pete, you are a man who just felt, however briefly, the terror of being treated as a potential danger to your own children on the basis of a lie. You now have a small window into what thousands of fathers navigate every year—often without your platform, resources, or rapid media attention to accelerate resolution. Many of those fathers are not public figures. They are ordinary men trying to stay in their children’s lives.

The men’s rights movement, and organizations focused on these issues, have been highlighting these imbalances for decades. Groups like the National Coalition for Men push for shared parenting reforms, fairer family court processes, and recognition of male disposability in other domains. Advocates for the Falsely Accused (https://www.theaffa.org) works specifically to support those harmed by false accusations, restore reputations, and push for accountability. The National Parents Organization has been instrumental in advancing shared parenting legislation across multiple states. These are not anti-woman efforts; they are pro-equality and pro-child efforts that insist both parents matter and that due process protects everyone—including the innocent accused.

Your experience does not make you instantly aligned with any movement. But it does give you firsthand insight that many policymakers and commentators lack. Advocating for shared parenting reforms would be a tangible, constructive way to channel that insight—protecting children from both real harm and the collateral damage of allegation-driven separations and entrenched alienation.

Children need their fathers. Fathers need fair processes. Families need systems that seek truth and prioritize evidence-based stability rather than defaulting to gendered assumptions. Your 24 hours of darkness was terrible. For too many men, that darkness lasts far longer.

Welcome to a clearer view of the problem—and to the opportunity to help build better solutions.

Sincerely,

Rich Procida,

A concerned observer of family justice and men’s issues.

NCFM Member Richard Procida, An Open Letter to Pete Buttigieg: Welcome to a Painful Understanding Many Fathers Know Too Well