Domestic Violence

January 11, 2009
By

male victimsNO LESS than 35% of domestic violence victims are male victims. So why do virtually all government, corporate, nonprofit, and private donation money for  domestic violence money go to women?

Male victims of domestic violence have been seriously neglected in public policy, outreach and services. But they are not rare at all. They’re just less likely to report it, which makes crime statistics unreliable especially for men.

Prevalence and Injuries of male victims of domestic violence

The Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC) very recent domestic violence study (released Nov. 2011) found: “More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime” and “About 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner (e.g., hit with a fist or something hard, beaten, slammed against something) at some point in their lifetime.”  See executive summary at www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf

Not surprisingly, the Associated Press only mentioned the female victims, leaving male victims invisible as usual.  www.startribune.com/lifestyle/wellness/135586678.html

The CDC figures are more reliable than the oft-cited Department of Justice (DoJ) figures because the CDC does not use crime-based language in its surveys like the DoJ does.  Numerous experts explain that crime language biases the results because both men and women are less likely to consider it a “crime” when its female-on-male than the reverse.  Non-crime based, sociological surveys consistently confirm that “women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, as men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners (and that men account for 1/3 of physical DV injuries).  Almost 300 of these studies, using various methodologies, are summarized www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

For example, this 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and controlling as men in relationships worldwide.    www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2006/may/em_060519male.cfm?type=n   http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID41E2.pdf

For another example, a major study funded by the Centers for Disease Control recently examined heterosexual relationships throughout the U.S. and found: “Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence,and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent.  In nonreciprocallyviolent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases.” www.ajph.org/cgi/content/abstract/97/5/941

This Canadian government report also recognizes the above data.

www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/pdfs/fv-intime_e.pdf

According to the Centers for Disease Control, every year there are 4.8 million incidents of intimate partner assaults and rapes against women and 2.9 against men, with 25% of the deaths being men.   www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/ipv_factsheet.pdf

The self defense myth

Feminists often claim the studies showing women initiate domestic violence as often as men are based on the Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS) which, they say, is not contextual enough and does not account for self-defense. At the outset, this is a hypocritical argument because these same critics have used CTS-based studies for decades to cite figures on female victims and they only criticize CTS when it applies to male victims. Even the DoJ, which most feminist groups cite, uses CTS. It is the most common methodology used in science to measure abuse.

The criticism is also wrong on its face. In 1985 researchers updated the CTS to ask who initiated the violence, and they found the same results. Feminists then claimed one can “initiate” violence in self-defense. But to the extent this is true, it

male victims

NO LESS than 35% of domestic violence victims are men. So why does virtually all domestic violence industry money go to women?

is true of both sexes. And, as Dr. Richard Gelles explains:

“Contrary to the claim that women only hit in self-defense, we found that women were as likely to initiate the violence as were men. In order to correct for a possible bias in reporting, we reexamined our data looking only at the self-reports of women. The women reported similar rates of female-to-male violence compared to male-to-female, and women also reported they were as likely to initiate the violence as were men.”

“The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence; Male Victims,” 1999, The Women’s Quarterly, re-printed with the author’s permission at the National Coalition For Men Los Angeles Chapter blog.

Professor John Archer further explains:

“It has often been claimed that the reason CTS studies have found as many women as men to be physically aggressive is because women are defending themselves against attack. A number of studies have addressed this issue and found that when asked, more women than men report initiating the attack. (Bland & Orn. 1986; DeMaris, 1992; Gryl & Bird. 1989. cited in Straus. 1997) or that the proportions are equivalent in the two sexes (Straus, 1997). Two large-scale studies found that a substantial proportion of both women and men report using physical aggression when the partner did not (Brush, 1990; Straus & Gelles, 1988). This evidence does not support the view that the CTS is only measuring women’s self-defense.”

“Sex Differences in Aggression Between Heterosexual Partners: A Meta-Analytic Review, Psychological Bulletin,” Sept. 2000. v. 126, n. 5, p. 651, 664.

Subsequent research asked about motives and self-defense and found self-defense is only a small percentage of the violence by either sex. For example, one of the largest studies ever done in England found not only equal perpetration by gender but that men and women assaulted their partners for the same reasons, most often “to get through to them,” while self-defense was one of the least common motives for both sexes and men were hitting in self-defense slightly more often than women were. Carrado, “Aggression in British Heterosexual Relationships: A Descriptive Analysis, Aggressive Behavior,” 1996, 22: 401-415.

California State University surveyed 1,000 college women: 30% admitted they assaulted a male partner. Their most common reasons: (1) my partner wasn’t listening to me; (2) my partner wasn’t being sensitive to my needs; and (3) I wished to gain my partner’s attention. Martin Fiebert, Ph.D., Denise Gonzalez, Ph.D., “Why Women Assault; College Women Who Initiate Assaults on their Male Partners and the Reasons Offered for Such Behavior,” 1997, Psychological Reports, 80, 583-590.

A 32-nation study of domestic violence by the University of New Hampshire in 2006 found women’s violence in dating relationships was just as controlling as men’s.

Professor Don Dutton further refutes the self-defense myth. See Dutton, D., & Corvo, K., “Transforming a flawed policy: A call to revive psychology and science in domestic violence research and practice,” (11) 2006, 457-483

male victims

Discrimination Against Men

Many government-funded domestic violence programs still explicitly discriminate against male victims. In Australia and the UK, the government had to revoke funding from domestic violence shelters for refusing to help male victims as shown in these articles:

Domestic violence support team pulls plug.

Women Refuge Told They Must Admit Men.

Study Examines Domestic Violence

Others, like in Holland, Serbia, and Switzerland, have set aside funds for battered men shelters, even though they are scare and underfunded compared to battered women shelters in those countries.

But in many countries, battered men’s shelters remain without any public funds.

In October 2008, the National Coalition For Men won a landmark appellate case in California that held it is unconstitutional to exclude male victims of domestic violence from the statutory funding provisions or from state-funded services. Woods v Shewry published decision.

Most programs claiming to help men just refer them to a far-away program that actually does help men.

The federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) explicitly excludes American Indian men from its provisions on Native American. It is also implemented in a discriminatory manner nationwide and funds educational programs that spread one-sided misinformation about domestic violence. See Dr. Richard Gelles, “Male Victims: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence.”

The very title of VAWA discriminates and stigmatizes male victims by leaving them invisible and downplaying the seriousness of male victimization, making them an afterthought at very best. We don’t have a Men’s Occupational Safety and Health Act” just because 92% of occupational deaths happen to men.(Interestingly after 2002 it appears the Bureau of Labor Statistics stopped reporting occupational deaths by gender.)

Here’s the sworn testimony from Patricia Swanson-Overberg who fought hard to help abused men and their children. Her testimony reveals a great deal about DV Industry Operatives and their wall of silence about abused men: 021101 NCFM ltr from Patricia Overberg

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94 Responses to Domestic Violence

  1. Finnigan on January 29, 2012 at 10:20 PM
    • jeff on November 18, 2012 at 8:35 AM

      anyone that likes females are not as abusive or more abusive than males are living in a dream world that just cant face the FACTS that females are abusive.
      Abusive females are not a new thing.
      Guess what people if a female slaps a males face that is abuse how many times do we see that happen and hear “oh well that’s no big deal.” Well you sick people that think that i have news for you ITS STILL ABUSE!!!
      I lived with the abuse for 7 years from my ex.

  2. curtis on January 26, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    hey im curtis ,workrd everyday andnow one day awayfrom being homeless ,my wife has been arrested for rs i have put up with the verbal abbuse abd kicking hitting until i reported it finally it feels good not to be a victim anymore and was wondering hpw i could get help on paying my rent

  3. Jenni D. on January 16, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    You think women don’t control their husbands’ lives with fear? Maybe the man doesn’t fear for his own life (but how can you say for certain he doesn’t, how’s that not sexist?), but he may certainly fear for the lives of his children. And what’s more even if he does try to divorce her to get himself and their children out of an abusive home, there is no guarantee he’ll get any amount of custody at all. Then the children might be left in a home with someone who abuses them, and might even abuse them more without the father there to protect them, or just because the woman is vindictive and knows hurting the kids will hurt the father.

    Ask any woman who has suffered genuine domestic which is worse, the physical abuse and scars or the emotional abuse and scars. I bet you every time they will say the emotional damage far outweighs the rest. Can men not suffer that same emotional damage whether women have the same body strength to physically harm the man as badly.

    And the thing of it is everyone is all too ready to believe a woman who is a victim of domestic violence, but nobody believes a man. My brother is getting ready to go down this road, we (meaning his friends and family) all see it but him. She’s already called the cops and accused him of domestic violence once, but since she didn’t press charges and she cried and said she’s sorry he wants to give her another chance. And we all know it’s because he’s terrified that if he divorces her she’ll get custody of their son. My brother takes all the care of their little boy, she’s already had CPS called on her twice (once by medical professionals, and once by our family). Imagine giving your child to Casey Anthony and then you might begin to imagine how terrified we all are for their little baby. Any parent knows it’s much worse to fear for the life of your child, why does everyone assume it’s only women that love their children and worry at what they might suffer at the hands of a sadistic abuser.

    I wish I knew what to say to convince him that ending his marriage sooner rather than later was going to be the wisest course of action in the long run. I wish we could guarantee that she’d never be able to hurt him or their sweet little boy ever again. The whole situation just breaks my heart.

  4. [...] suggests that the silence of men about domestic/dating violence infers that most men do condone domestic/dating violence against women (Harbert, 2006, p. [...]

  5. hellodollyllama on October 31, 2011 at 10:23 AM

    Virtually everything I've read here, is slanted or inaccurate garbage. These discredited studies have already been debunked, and your author is cherry-picking his data, as well. The facts are that ten thousand men beat their wives and girlfriends every day, more than a thousand die every year, and that men lie about DV at a much higher rate than women do — in fact it is women who under-report abuse. It has been proven that men are capable of putting their wives in daily fear of their safety, and using that fear to control their wives, in a way that women cannot do to men. It has been proven that the men who claim they are beaten are inevitably wife-beaters. And the courts aren't biased against men; they are biased against criminals, which is what wife-beaters are.

    • Sebastian on December 24, 2011 at 2:05 AM

      Amen. Thank you for bringing this up.

      I feel for those who have been abused. Abuse is not a good thing, no matter if you are a man or woman.

      However, men are proven to be more violent prone than women are, especially in relationships. Men use fear, violence, religious tactics, mind tactics, etc to keep women in their "place" in a relationship so that the male can establish his "dominance".

      More men abuse their wives than wives abuse their husbands. This is the hard fact. And the so called "results" in these articles are all pin picked out to make one side look bad. It is stupid, half assed and has no creditability.

      • OnlyHelpavailable on January 27, 2012 at 12:33 PM

        Clearly niether you not hellodollyama have know the men (and their abusive wives) who are victims of DV. Women use fear, violence, religious tactics, mind tactice etc to keep their husbands in their "place" etc.

        This is a hard fact. There is plenty of credibility on the fact that women are abusive and can be more abusive as they tend to use weapons more frequently then men. I am abhorred at your summation. Wait until you have a male friend who is being abused or wrongly accused and see what support is available to them.

        • Eric on January 27, 2012 at 1:20 PM

          My now ex-wife is emotionally and mentally abusive. I spent 12 years getting reduced as a human all because I wanted to do the right thing after she got pregnant and married her. She ended up ambush divorcing me, took my kids, and now she's not done yet. After being a stay at home parent for 7 years she has seen to it that the courts are taking my license because I can't find work, (by the way I am now homeless and staying at friends when I can.) Can't find work and can't pay support… She should not even have the kids and knowingly allows a pedophile to have access to them. When I call sometimes she lets me talk to them and mostly on a speaker phone. There is no justice and my kids end up loosing. I don't care about the stuff… But, my kids i do care about and she will damage them just like she did me. I see it already in how they behave when I am on the phone. So, I know first hand how damaging abusive women are as I have lived it and continue to be forced to be subject to her abuses. If it was not for my kids I don't know that I would still be here to write this. Someone has to do something , anything… please…

        • Sebastian on January 29, 2012 at 8:32 AM

          Men do the same thing to women. Men use fear, violence, religious tactics and mind tactics to keep women in their "place". What you just said, applies to BOTH cases.

          Of course women can be just as abusive, but this doesn't mean that men are not abusive either. Not all women are abusive, and not all men are abusive.

          And I do NOT speak for those who HAVE been abused. I am not talking to them or about them. I have known a few men abused by women and women abused by their men. It works both ways.

          The people here only go on about how women abuse men, rather than the "cold hard fact" that both tend to abuse each other.

          You can't sit there and point fingers when we can be just as guilty.

          • greg jenkinson on April 24, 2014 at 9:04 AM

            there should be a stiff penaly for both parties for fabricating lies and making false reports in all statyes and then all the attorneys raking in big bucks would be hurt. Just likw attorneys advertise for defending drunk drivers or duis They all do the same thing and they drag things out and keep adding onto the bill like in divorces I would like to meet an honest attorney and judges are just more experienced crooks good at taking money from the innocent..

            • W. Smith on April 24, 2014 at 9:15 AM

              I think some women deeply resent that they are smaller and less strong than men. To get even they will flat out lie to authorities to get you. The ignorant court system is so much in the Knight in shining armour mode, protect the sweet young lady mode etc. (which is sexist) that men often get royally screwed by the family court system. The idea that a man can be taken away by the police on a woman’s word alone is outreagous and void of the concept of equal protection under the law. These biased laws never include the fact that 35% of domestic violence is commited by woman. Instead they just call these laws Violence Against Woman acts. That likewise is totally outreagous, deeply biased and wrong.

        • Michael on September 16, 2012 at 11:40 AM

          I have been married for 16 yrs and my wife has called police accusing me of domestic violence. I had to be humiliated publicly and privately. Every time she made these charges she never followed through to make sure she got absolute justice. The critics say women dont follow through because they are scared and intimidated. I think thats absured. If you call the law you have already shown you are not afraid. My wife has both physically and verbally abused me. Everytime I reported the incidents to the authorities it was taken lighty and not fully pursued with the same vigor as when my wife made reports against me. I guess I am or am not manly enough to take it. Ive been there and still am there. There certainly is a double standard when there is female abuse on a man. Ive seen the same double standard when it comes to child support and custody. You really have to prove that the women is a murderer before you can get your child. Unfortunately I am still married because I have so much to lose. With divorce I lose my child, my home and my earnings I worked all my life for (much of it before I married my wife) I have been the sole provider in my household for 14 yrs. So critics where will my help come from.

    • Chris on September 17, 2012 at 9:32 AM

      Hellodollyama, you say women report less than men. Please give your credible source on this. You also ten thousand women spouses are abused per day , what is the count for men victims ? That would be about ten thousand since it has been shown over and over that men and women abuse each other at the same rate. Look at the CDC records on population studies (not biased and selected sampled police reports which only complaints and charges).If you look further you ll find that men report 50% less times than women fail to report. If you look even further you ll find women use weapons much more often. There are two sides to every story and the abuse is about equal but the services and facilities available for men victims is miniscule because of the politics of DV and not beased on facts. Of course women suffer (but so do men, but they are not recognised and are basically told to put up and shut up by the strong female agenda) DV will NEVER adequately dealt with unless peole work together and stop trying to be the greater victim. Acknowledgement of all victims would go a long way to help these victims. This is a people problem not a gender problem that specail groups are trying to perpetuate.

    • Speer on November 6, 2012 at 8:55 AM

      My takeaway is that the focus should remain on changing beliefs on power, money, and what it is to be an adult/parent. As the converstation remains men against women (or vice versa), we defocus from real progress. Too often, I see relationships with shared abuse — he abuses today and she tomorrow. My antidotes experience is that these folks don’t want to be abusing but know nothing else. For ten years I taught about questioning our beliefs and basis for everything, and direct instruction on simple communication and confrontation models — all done in a safe, non-judgemental setting — sometimes, the first setting for participants that WAS safe.

    • beatendownjohnny on November 17, 2012 at 5:02 AM

      are you nuts the last three relationships i have been in the woman has been the aggresser and the abuser and I have called the police and all they do is laugh and think its some joke and once I called the police and she lied and said i hit her so i got arrested police never believe the man I even called the police with blood running down my face and they made me leave not her with no help and no place to go because there is no help in america for batterd men and its real and increasing every day so you have no idea what your talking about man hater.

    • Shawny Milks on January 26, 2013 at 2:11 PM

      Hello dollyllama,
      You are obviously in denial about the studies. I have witness what my husband’s ex wife had done to him. She got him arrested on false allegation by playing the battered woman role. It is more of a fact that men who are abused are severely under-reported because there is obviously virtually no programs to help the men that have children to get away from their spouses. In this case, she happens to be a convicted felon for burning his son’s hands and served 5 years of prison time and got off on early parole to two years. Soon as she got out of prison, she proceeded to stalk my husband who at the time was still legally married to her for nine months. She suffers from personality disorder and she was pissed because her soon to be ex-husband did not wait for her while she was in prison. She obviously could not comprehend just how much she had hurt him by hurting his child. When she realized there was no getting him back, she retaliated by calling the police on him playing the battered woman role. She just made the courts money and she just also made that much harder for the real victims who really being abused to come forward. She manipulated the legal system to get what she wanted. She put my husband through hell from the moment they met and after she got out of prison. Guess what!! She won, my husband was force to take plea bargain for phone harassment, they had to drop the other two charges he was facing because the court could not find her witnesses. We know for a fact she set him up using the spoof em application by android to make it look like he was harassing her by phone. She tried so hard to get him to go prison for a crime that was never committed. Get this, since she is currently playing the battered woman role, she has an order of protection against my husband. This woman is on parole for hurting his son and she gets to come into our town and do whatever she wants. Anytime,we see her, we have to leave because of the order of protection, meanwhile fearing that she will put false allegations on both of us. So, mind you yes there are men out there abusing their spouses, but do not forget there are women out there who suffers from serious mental health issues which put the fear in their husband or boyfriends on how to handle the situation without blowing a fuse and end up losing their kids. For the record, yes the court are biased against men, because I have witness it myself. My husband’s criminal and family court lawyers did not even bother to show the judges our evidence of what his ex-wife had done to him, we had proof of report that my husband was the victim in the domestic violence police report, we had witnesses that was willing to testify against her due to her behavior,also the burden of proof for the “alleged” abuse was so low, where is the documents showing she got beat up??-my husband never laid a hand on me, she went against her order of protection three times, while he had an order of protection against her-she still went against it by sending him a blank text message with her name on after we went to family court, we called the police-nothing happened to her, she is being well protected for being a convicted FEMALE felon that is playing the battered woman role. You tell me how can she be battered while serving time in prison while my husband was living with me? Get this, there is a case of the missing document that the criminal court judge did not see, a lady cop have informed us two days after the day my husband got arrested and sitting in jail. His ex-wife saw our vehicle parked in the courthouse, while it was me talking to the public defender’s office. She went running into the courthouse saying she saw her soon to be ex husband with her own eyes and supposedly signed a statement and the lady cop knew where my husband was at the time-sitting in jail. That statement never made it to the judge. We thought because the lady cop had told us once the judge sees the statement that she will be sent back to prison for lying. Well what ya know, nothing happened. If it was a man that got caught lying, it be put in jail immediately. So again, you tell me why nothing happened to this woman who happens to be very evil. You really need to look at the whole picture, women are using the legal system as a form of abuse to control their spouses, they have more power because of the women’s shelter. If you live in New York which is where I live, women are more likely to be backed up by Susan B. Anthony. I hope I have educated you to be more mindful. It isn’t just women that are being victimized, men are also being victimized only in a different way. Men uses physical means while the women uses the legal system. They are both form of abuse. My husband is currently suffering from extreme case of PTSD brought on by her. That is just how much power a woman has over a man when it comes with threats of being a jail and losing everything. My husband did lose his son because of her and now being raised by adoptive parents who we keep in touch with.

    • Michael Onkst on April 17, 2013 at 7:29 AM

      Your a fucking idiot

      • Bill on April 21, 2013 at 10:34 AM

        Who is an Fing idiot? Who was that comment aimed at?

  6. bahati on September 23, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    This is great !

  7. Roger on July 10, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    My God what horrible stories in the comments, seems to be lists of them. Men when you talk to a woman you do not trust have a voice recorder in your pocket they are very cheap and they could save your career, and keep you out of jail.

    ALL CALLS to intimate partners especially ones who you are in a custody battles with or if you are braking up or don't trust her. Record all calls and record on a voice recorder when you speak in person just like Mel Gibson's partner did. Courts love evidence.

    • Bong Johnson on December 16, 2012 at 4:41 PM

      Damn straight Roger, it’s important to record every conversation with a woman of questionable nature. Even if she is your wife, or simply the mother of your children. I am even considering installing video cameras that record sound in my home after being beaten by two woman at least 10 times in all, only to have my kid taken, wife gone, and going to jail among six and a half years of injustice perpetrated against me, and I’m still facing 2-5 years for the last, “alleged” instance, all because of LIES. Only to find out recently that a woman from an anger management program here was brainwashing my wife, and telling her what to do so she could run off with her wealthy lover! Something she admitted to only after I went to jail for the other woman’s lies!!! So disgusting, but that’s what can happen when the feminazi/male hating kleptocracy we have in this country chooses to go after you.

      In addition, our country has lost a child to the Czech Republic where my ex legally kidnapped my now ex-daughter with; “According to figures from the Justice Ministry, in 2008, a total of 18,840 cases resulted in custody being granted to the mother, and just 1,451 resulted in custody being granted to the father. A total of 635 cases resulted in courts granting joint custody. “”Unfortunately, The practices are mostly determined by judges, mostly female judges, who have an agenda.” “Law and international conventions, say both parents have equal parental rights. It is not possible to prefer one or the other on the grounds of sex.” If you’re a father in the Czech Republic, your chances are slim to none to have any rights to your kids. If you’re an international dad, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS, NO MATTER WHAT AGREEMENT YOU MADE HERE IN THE STATES WITH YOUR EX-WIFE. Never agree to let your wife go to another state or country with your child. That way if she does, call the police, it’s kidnapping. DON’T be a fool like me. DON’T be a nice guy like me. Fight for your children, they deserve you despite what SHE thinks.

      The courts also went after my house which I built with my own hands. Sending me a letter saying if I, “don’t sell it by …a certain date…, they would take it and sell it at auction.” Thus losing every penny invested over the three years it took to build. Nevermind the thousands of hours of work I put into it, let alone the lost time with my family and friends while I built it. Thankfully I was able to sell it at a $60,000 loss (according to the realtor), but better than what the borough auctions were selling homes for, pennies on the dollar. Even then, the court continued it’s bloodletting saying I had guaranteed to give her, “half of $40,000″ no matter what I sold it for. Well, the letter gave the consent to sell for a lesser price. My ex-wife never knew the courts had initiated the letter, and the pressure to sell the house, so she was clueless as to why I didn’t think I owed her $20,000 anymore. The court actively supressed this reality for months and months until recently when I got the reduction in judgement form from the court. SIX and a HALF years to get to the BEGINNING of justice! Sickening.

      But yeah, DV goes both ways. Pey attention to who the primary aggressor is. That’s the person you need to look at male or female. Also, if someone has a history of violence like the idiot female who lied to the cops recently and had me jailed, record your conversation. The truth, will like me, set you free.

  8. [...] injury to personal property, identity theft and resisting a public officer, but not one count of domestic violence. In defense, prosecutors might say that there was no need to charge her with domestic violence [...]

  9. [...] more information on domestic violence for males: http://ncfm.org/2009/01/issues/domestic-violence/ #dd_ajax_float{ background:none repeat scroll 0 0 #FFFFFF; border:1px solid #DDDDDD; float:left; [...]

  10. [...] more information on domestic violence for males: http://ncfm.org/2009/01/issues/domestic-violence/ #dd_ajax_float{ background:none repeat scroll 0 0 #FFFFFF; border:1px solid #DDDDDD; float:left; [...]

  11. ray on February 2, 2011 at 12:40 AM

    False accusations of domestic violence against men by women are common. The flimsiest of false accusations by a woman can cause a man’s arrest. False accusations can be devastating to a man’s self-worth and his career. Such false accusations are a crime, and also domestic violence, yet police and prosecutors almost never prosecute false accusers. Men wind up gender profiled and falsely accused by the taxpayer funded, domestic violence industry, because of gender feminist ideology controlling the d.v. industry. Domestic violence will never end as long as the whole truth about it is misrepresented to comply with feminist ideology. As long as false accusers of domestic violence are not prosecuted, domestic violence law will have no integrity as shown in “Los Midandry” at Youtube.

  12. ray on February 1, 2011 at 4:41 PM

    Domestic violence will never end as long as the whole truth about it is misrepresented to comply with feminist ideology. V.P. Biden recently called violence against women, "the very worst abuse." The very worst abuse is valuing one life less than another for having been born the wrong gender. Under domestic violence law, the wrong gender is men. Shelter and services are virtually non-existent for male victims of domestic violence. Options out of a bad relationship, that women have, are often not available to men. Men wind up gender profiled and falsely accused by the taxpayer funded, domestic violence industry, because of gender feminist ideology controlling the d.v. industry. Men are often battered by domestic violence, and then battered again by the taxpayer funded, domestic violence industry as shown in "Los Misandry" at Youtube.

  13. ray on February 1, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Deaths of little children, killed by their mothers, is egregious, yet the taxpayer funded, domestic violence industry disingenuously tries to make us believe that women don't abuse men too. According to the U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services and DOJ statistics, more kids are killed by neglect and abuse in a year (1,760 in 2007), than all the female intimate partner homicides in a year. Mothers are the single largest group of kid killers, according to HHS, and they have a rate twice that of fathers. Nowhere near the money is spent to protect kids from kid killing mothers as is spent by the domestic violence industry to protect women. The taxpayer funded d.v. industry is a bastion of misandrist vilification, falsely accusing men of being the overwhelming cause of d.v., and empowering violent women to commit further domestic violence. The corruption of the taxpayer funded, domestic violence industry is characterized in "Los Misandry" at Youtube.

  14. ray on February 1, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Women's domestic violence against men is grossly under reported, while male victims are still routinely being ignored by the taxpayer funded domestic violence industry. Credible research overwhelmingly shows that the ratio of domestic violence is at least 50/50 between women & men. Go to Fiebert Bibliography. According to one study by researchers who work at the CDC, in 70 percent of domestic violence incidents, where the d.v. is not mutual, it's women who initiate the d. v. Go to Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting. Click on the link under the red & blue pie chart. D.v. law follows a gender feminist agenda over facts & does great harm to many innocent men & also many violent women. Go to Youtube, “Los Misandry.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAmOxvudpF8

  15. Re-Education: Boys Being Neutered by Radical Feminist Organization | Abusegate, Investigate! on August 20, 2010 at 8:38 AM

    [...] are abused more than men.  Fact: It is about 50/50, but men are less likely to report abuse.  See National Coalition for Men“Respect [...]

  16. Investigative Report on August 18, 2010 at 4:27 AM

    "sociopathological"

    Hey! you just invented a new word and a new type of background check!

    "we challenge the best of the best…to seek the truth in our collective case…investigative reporters, etc"

    All right then. I accept the challenge. First off I want to know what your real name is so I can do a "sociopathological background check" on you(After you go invent it and the word sociopathological)

    "we would love to speak with you. we accept the challenge!!!"

    Who is "we" you keep referring to? You and your multiple personalities or the 30 cats you live with? Or do the 30 cats have multiple personalities(Which btw would be totally awesome)?

    Comparing your 2 posts I think that I speak of all sane people in saying that it is you that seem disturbed and not in control of your emotions(Or your grammar). If you do not deal with your anger issues they will continue to consume you for the rest of your life.

  17. collective ex on August 16, 2010 at 8:44 AM

    michael habiniak…author of the above story is NOT an independent film maker living in nc…he is A 39 yr old man born august 11 1971 who lives with his mother in Franklinton, NC who works occasional "odd jobs" to support his pathological behavior. He is currently on house arrest for violating probation & cyber-stalking an ex-girlfriend who he strangled in 2008. He is a VIOLENT repetitive abuser of women who pretends to "play victim" in the "typical legal definition of abuser". His children claim to have been ignored emotionally and physically as a result of his selfishness and have made a legal & collective statement stating mr. habiniak has "no clue" how to be a father. An extensive criminal & sociopathological background check will divulge mr. habiniak's behavior for the very few who are actually interested in the truth of this case. According to habiniak's most recent pre-frontal cortex brain scans …neurological analysis reveals strong pathological tendencies.

    We encourage anyone interested in this case to do a complete & thorough investigation of mr. habiniak's behavior. contact all people he's been involved with, and ask for the truth. watch carefully…as the lies unravel and his story weakens. we seek truth and know that many men have been victims. we also know that many men "play" victim…like mr. habiniak…we challenge the best of the best…to seek the truth in our collective case…investigative reporters, etc…we would love to speak with you. we accept the challenge!!!

  18. Michael Habiniak on August 12, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    I am a Independent Filmmaker and victim of DV against men. I have been doing research here I NC and have found that many of the DV laws target men specifically. The antequated ways of the male and female gender roles have to be given a hard look at. I have been assaulted by a former partner and stabbed, and upon arrival of the authoroties, I was the one arrested and held in jail for 48hrs.

    I have decided to take a stand and use my skills and abilities to start the pre-production of a gritty and harsh independent documentary called , NC Law, The Exploitation of a Romance Comedy. It will focus on the the abuse men recieve at the hands of women, and how the legal system is a weapon that enables the abuse to continue legally.

    A few years ago NC law makers created a Law called Assault by Strangulation. This law targets men specifically in cases where there was DV of over 4000 cases only 38 women have ever been charged under this law and the rest were all men. This law is a felony, where most all DV laws are misdemeanors. This law also circumvents a mans right to be given his Miranda Rights and chance to give a statement to authorities in the investigation. This allows law enforcement to conduct a one sided investigation and stack the deck against the male defandant and circumvent the discovery process of a trial.

    Another point this film will be focusing on is the use of a restraining order as a weapon to inflict injury on a man. Seeing that ther are granted infavor of the female 99.9% of the time they are applied for. Having a restraining order against you shows up on any criminal backround investigation if you apply for a job.

    I would love to hear from anyone who wishes to share their story and is willing to show documented proof of the atrocities that are committed upon mens rights in Domestic and Family Court. My contact e-mail is mhabiniak@gmail.com

  19. U. Dynamo on August 1, 2010 at 7:34 AM

    I remember reading a Facebook page about 102 things that guys should know about girls.

    #3 was "If she hits you, you probably deserved it."

    I will be forever disgusted by that statement. Cheers to this organization and everything it will ever accomplish. Looking forward to a future Canadian chapter.

  20. steph on July 2, 2010 at 8:31 AM

    I am glad to know I am not the only one…my boyfriends ex is insane! She hates that he is with me and has done anything and everything possible to keep us apart. Right after we met, she accused him of CDV and he was arrested. He spent 71 days in jail …only to go to court and the charges were dropped because they realized he did nothing wrong. ( mind u when he was arrested, she had hit him and he had a huge bruise on HIS head). Now..9 months later, he was at the same place she was , and two days later, the cops showed up to arrest him. Once again, she reported that she felt "fearful" for her life! So he is sitting there for no reason other than the fact that she is crazy. I can't believe the laws we have and that someone can simply say they feel "fearful" and someone goes to jail!! And I'm sorry, I have been beaten up by an ex A LONG time ago, so I understand we need laws, but there has to be another way so that innocent people aren't going to jail because of non-stable chics. There are too many people out there doing serious and life ending crimes for our jails to be filled with people that DON'T belong there. My heart goes out to all of you in my situation, because both my heart is aching, my childrens'…(whom adore my boyfriend) and and my boyfriends, who is losing days of his life for being at the wrong place and the wrong time. This country and south carolina need to figure alot out!!

  21. Robert on March 23, 2010 at 10:26 PM
  22. Renee on March 23, 2010 at 12:58 AM

    My husband of 3 years is going through the same situation right now! His ex-wife and mother of his 3 and 5 year old is psychotic!! When they were married, one weekend she wanted to go out with her friends one Saturday night and agreed to let him go out Friday night to make up for it. He went out with a buddy and had a few drinks. He came home and she was waiting for him at the front door with a leg from a coffee table. She was mad bc he was out late and she beat him with it! He left to keep from being beat anymore and she called the cops for CDV High and Aggrevated Nature (felony). He was found and arrested the next morning. He wound up doing PTI to espunge his record from that. Well now, one evening we checked the mail and found there was a warrant for his arrest for CDV. He turned himself in. She claims he came to her house and they argued and she feared for her life! NEVER HAPPENED!!!! We're in the process of getting a trial date and all. The cop that went to her house that day says that she had NO evidence of CDV but bc she claimed it, he had to be arrested! That's a bunch of BS in my book! We're fighting to clear his name and get her for filing a false police claim! Our intent is to get the kids taken from her and her serve time!! This has got to stop! Its awful that a woman can get mad at her ex and call the police and immediately he has a record! And meanwhile, there are crooks and sickos out there getting away with all kinds of things!! I don't understand!!

    • Judy on October 26, 2013 at 5:06 PM

      I know I have seen all this same s__t with a son and now a grandson is going through the same type of stuff. No one ever believes the male . Women can be evil. Good luck to and your husband.

    • Frank Elliott on May 6, 2014 at 3:07 PM

      It is encouraging to see a woman ‘testify’ re. a female “ex” (of her current relationship with a male) as being psychotic. It’s almost as if “there is no such thing as a woman going temporarily insane”..ahem..we have all seen it. I’ll never forget when I was being physically assaulted by each of my first two wives – both addicts, … I’ll never forget the news of a woman who murdered her husband ( in the U.K.) ..and was acquitted, as having PMS , and was “therefore” temporarily insane ! I’m reasonably certain that , literally, tens of millions of men have similar stories to tell. There are clearly an abundance of such stories and testimonies here…

      • william smith on May 7, 2014 at 8:36 AM

        I got royally screwed over by “family” court for something I did not do. The woman was a sick alcoholic. The court, instead of looking at the woman’s condition and maybe trying to find that a sick person could do harm to another (me, which she did) they gave her a “protected class” which is sexist and difficult to do anything about. Meanwhile I am some kind of criminal and I never could find a lawyer to help because I have no money. No money=no good lawyer=no justice. The brainless system/judges apparnetly have no grasp of that concept. Similarily, then people wonder why black men are “over represented” in our (for profit) prison systems. Where is justice?!

  23. Gardner on March 22, 2010 at 11:31 PM

    KY is FAR from equal in handling this problem… If nothing else they BRAINWASH women.. Me and my-exgirlfriend got into it– we broke up she moved out– no violence– no hitting no nothing– just didn't get along AT THE TIME.. Her family wouldn't help her because they're broke and uncaring people. SO she stayed in a shelter… After about 2 weeks I realized I love her and missed her… In that short amount of time they had her convinced I was a basher and abuser. They wouldn't let me leave money for her- I knew she needed some– or talk too her. I NEVER PUT MY HANDS ON HER. We just didn't get along for a short amount of time. THEY ARE BRAINWASHERS and manhaters pure and simple.

  24. Farah on March 6, 2010 at 5:39 PM

    I am a female and been convicted of DV by my husband. I'm an immigrant and I left the country to save my Son(My own not his), cos I know he's up to something. I was convicted recently cos no show is guilty,means he's under Relief, I don't know if I can still come back to appeal the case, and follow up he filed a divorce but the thing is we didn't got married there. He's got some kind of mental disorders and I have a good feeling that it is a strong ground to dismiss the case. I still love him but he already destroyed our life, he accused of worst things i don't know if he make-up evidences of course it's easy i have my evidence too. ANyone can suggest? The Court ordered me to have DV treatments and suicide threats, and wants me to pay and he put ANY. If you will ask me I really don't want to go back it's just i wanted to clear my reputation. Thanks

  25. jeremy on March 6, 2010 at 3:27 AM

    hey all, i went through the same b.s. 10 yrs ago. a falsely filed pfa in an attempt to keep me away from my sonit it was all custody motivated. my lawyer told me to plead no contest because id never win it. so when it expired she actually tried to beat the crap out of me so i filed one on her. she violated it by leaving a nasty msg on my machine so i called the cops and they told me to file a complaint with the court. this coming after she had me arrested twice with a push of a button to the police. i was outraged and called the chief of police. he apolagized and they went to pick her up. i havnt had any more pfa's against me thank god but now i applied for a carrying permit for my firearm and that b.s. order 10 yrs ago could very well get me denied. till this very day i am still fighting for 50/50 custody and getting denied every step of the way. my point being is that women have the courts by the balls and they know it. i can at least say in PA the system is broke. the best of luck to all of you.

    • Missingmyrights on November 5, 2011 at 6:53 PM

      Did you have any problems getting your permit? Please let me know. I would like mine, but I have false PFA filed against me that will last 6 months. I could not purchase a shotgun because of it while active, but I am wondering once it expires in 6 months, can I?

  26. terri on January 14, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    hey my boyfriend is going through a CDV case with his ex-wife of 10 years. she said that he came over and beat the hell out of her one night and he was his his daughter and two friends the whole time. he also has a voice mail where she calle dhim and told him that she had fallen and thought that she had a seisure and may have broken her fingure. the next day she went and filed charges against him and here we are 7 months later having to pay for a lawyer to get him out of these false charges and try to take his daughter from her. he also goes throught the no contact rule crap, he does call her to check on his daughter but when she wants to be a you now what and call and text for no reason but to fuss and talk about me he tries to ignore him and then she threatens to call the police for him contacting her about his kid. so he has to sit there and play her little game until he goes to court and proves his innocence. i think this is crazy that women can do this and the laws need to change!!!! i feel for all the men going through this and i hope the best for you all.

  27. AlRietto on January 12, 2010 at 12:09 PM

    Defrauding VAWA…

    Dorothy: “The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) sounds like a very important resource and I wish I had known about it when I left an abusive marriage. If Martha is fraudulently claiming abuse, that will eventually be discovered and defrauding a charitable organization is a FELONY. This is not the first time I have heard of false accusation in that area being assumed to be true. It nearly destroyed my boyfriend's life. His ex-wife constantly had him thrown in jail by calling in bogus reports of him making threats.”

    I would love for someone to INVESTIGATE. Who can I turn to in order to start a full investigation?

    If you know, do tell.

    When I met her in October 2005 she was a Domestic Violence Victim and I wanted to help. After work I would drive 80 miles to her place and go shopping for her and her 3 children because they did not have any money. Then when her divorce was final I offered her and her 3 children to stay in my house.

    The next almost 3 years they would live in my house. The children attended the local schools. I would deposit money in her bank account on a regular basis so she could do her own shopping while I would be traveling on business. She would get ill and I would take her to doctors. I paid several surgeries including cosmetic surgeries that she wanted. For 3 years I provided her with a house, medical services, food, money, love and much more. I helped her hide from her ABUSIVE husband and from the law.

    I agreed to marry her so that she her and children would be legal in the US.

    I feel like I gave her my entire life… I never imagined she would end up accusing ME of Domestic Violence.

    After exactly 3 months of marriage she started a fight. Obviously she thought that 3 months of marriage would be enough a sacrifice and she could now claim domestic violence and get legal papers to stay in this country. She is used to achieving things though her lies, and I am a very honest person. The great thing about this is that she is far away. I don’t want to see her again ever.

    She then went to the police to make a report. She wanted to take MY car and called the police only to find out she has no rights to it. I had made her sign a pre-nup where she agreed that she has no rights to any of my stuff and that I have full rights to manage my things as I see fit. The great thing about this is that the pre-nup was in place because a person like her does not deserve anything from me.

    She told her children to steal my car keys. She called the police again to say I was harassing her and the police came to my house. The great thing about this is that I now know she is nothing but a thief and a liar. That everything she receives in her life is through lies and deception. How great it is that she is not around anymore.

    She told me she had been using me all this time. She threatened to put me in jail. She sent her children to run in front of my car while I was driving it in order to stop it and she filed for a temporary protective order that was full of lies. She lied in court twice. She is nothing but a lowly criminal. She does not deserve to be around an honest and compassionate person like myself. I am so happy she is not around anymore…

    How is it possible that there is a law in this country called Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)? Under this law a woman can simply claim that she is a Domestic Violence victim and she gets all the help she needs: Housing, Legal, Psychological, Medical, Employment and Immigration papers to stay in this country…

    There is just one problem: The Domestic Violence shelter will require that she (and help her) file FALSE ACCUSATIONS of Domestic Violence against me and she would make these accusations in court as a petition for a Temporary Protective Order.

    So it was time to pay back the favor I did to her: She used the law to HURT me. She used the law to hide her from ME. She made FALSE ACCUSATIONS of Domestic Violence against me.

    Any woman can dial 211 and get in touch with a VAWA service center (a Domestic Violence shelter). They will take her away from her husband and provide her with psychological treatment. They will help her accuse her husband of Domestic Violence (or whatever she chooses to accuse him of) and they will not ask for any proof. They will also help her get a divorce and really wipe him out. They will give her a new life away from her husband including housing, education, certification, employment and much, much more.

  28. Vito on December 22, 2009 at 4:46 AM

    I had been a victim of domestic violence at the hands of my ex wife for 15 years, and couldn't get any help in Lancaster County, PA. When I called the domestic violence hotline, the female counselor, asked me if I was the abuser;(because I am a man).She told me that I had to vacate the line because the domestic violence hotline was for women. I informed her that I was the victim, and also asked her ,"since when is domestic violence sexually biased? "She told me," sir, you don't have to be a smart ass, if you are hurt, take your sorry ass to the emergency room." My Ex hit me in the head with a baseball bat, so I did go to the ER. But never received any mental help, or protection. I had special training in the military, so I could never retaliate while being physically abused, plus I was raised to never hit a female. My current wife was a victim for 17 years, and it is our passion to start a domestic violence ministry in our church. I've tried to get the news media to do a story on male victims of DV, but our local TV stations won't even touch it. If anyone knows of anywhere in my area that helps male victims, can you please direct me to them? I would truly appreciate it.

  29. Al R on December 7, 2009 at 3:13 AM

    I called a couple of Domestic Violence groups in Illinois because they showed pictures of women with children. I asked them why they didn't show men in their promotional literature. One group told me that they were funded by a grant from the state of Illinois for females and were not mandated to promote men's rights. The second group I contacted claimed that the amount of domestic violence was negligible and that they did serve men also… I suggested that men were reluctant to report domestic violence by their spouses and that pictures of only mothers promoted men as the aggressors and inhibited men from seeking protection.

  30. jam on November 25, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    What's going on with the world today you ask? It's real simple. If it wasn't for eunuch men in this country, lawmakers, police, judges, the list goes on and on kowtowing to women, allowing them to get away with this behavior, it wouldn't be happening you have only them to thank for it and any other man who bows down to women. If men continue to tolerate it, women will continue to abuse it.

    • Devin on December 21, 2011 at 1:23 AM

      Actually, this isn't true, and I am appalled by your stupidity.

      The law does not make many exceptions for women, and women are much more oppressed than men in the law and political system.

      There is no such thing as "getting away with this behavior". Look at the men who waste billions of dollars just to go to war? To focus on useless foreign polices?

      Since anything I say will most likely fall on deaf ears, I refuse to waste any more key typing on the likes of someone hateful like you.

      • Marc on April 16, 2012 at 7:13 PM

        Devon said: “The law does not make many exceptions for women, and women are much more oppressed than men in the law and political system.”

        Yes it does, Devon. In many ways. In CA I had to sue the state to finally get the discriminatory domestic violence laws overturned as unconstitutional because they omitted male victims from state-funded services. This is happening throughout the whole country and in many other parts of the world like Ireland, England, India, etc. Men are routinely discriminated against in criminal sentencing, parental rights, and in many other ways as well, no matter how much you deny it.

        Devon said: “There is no such thing as “getting away with this behavior”.”

        Really? You obviously don’t practice family law much, or you would see how so many courts don’t consider female DV to be serious. The situation is improving but only slowly. Same with paternity fraud and false accusations. They rarely ever prosecute false accusers.

        Devon said: “Look at the men who waste billions of dollars just to go to war? To focus on useless foreign polices?”

        Oh, and women have no part in that? Did you know 76% of women favored sending troops to the Gulf War? You mean Hillary Clinton and other woman leaders didn’t support the war? And you’d probably be the first person to call it sexist if someone said men are the ones who created medicine, infrastructure, science, etc. I would agree. But it’s just as sexist to turn around and blame only men for negative things. Only hypocrites do that.

        Devon said: “Since anything I say will most likely fall on deaf ears, I refuse to waste any more key typing on the likes of someone hateful like you.”

        No Devon, I’m very willing to debate these issues with you. So far I have responded to every single one of your points that I see, and in fact your arguments show you didn’t really read what you’re responding to in many cases. Let’s debate, Devon. I’ll even disregard your silly ad hom attacks.

  31. Sara on November 17, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    My boyfriends ex girlfriend just tried to get a restraining order on him. He works for the government so it would mess up his job horribly. Luckily I was there during the conversations and he never once threatened or even lost his temper. Luckily it was all on speaker phone and I was able to testify. It was soo awsome to see her face when I walked into the court room and she was told she was on speaker phone the whole time! LOL Ahhhh justice is a great thing:)
    This woman has gotten away with everything!
    His son came to us with bruises on his legs (clearly finger prints)and nobody responded to our calls not even the police. Between fordging his signiture on his car title and selling it over state lines, selling his guns over state lines both without his permission while he was serving in Iraq. Fordge checks to herself while he was overseas. Crazy!
    He has been fighting this for 3 years and she hasn’t even got a slap on the wrist. What is going on with this world today…I dont understand it. Any advice would be great from anyone. I have been trying to get ahold of some people but it is difficult to get anyone on the phone.

  32. Tim Russel on November 14, 2009 at 3:18 AM

    The Family Court System is arranged for women. It is bias against
    men. Loose laws to accuse men so they can file false Protection from Abuse Orders. My ex filed a false statement then manufactured evidence. With little chance of a penalty if she gets caught. Here in Alleghneny County, Pa, organizations like Neighborhood Legal Aid make it easy to file false allegations
    and then invoke penalties on men. My ex's motive was leverage
    during a petition for custody. Both Family Court and Neighborhood
    Legal Aid working as one to take my rights as a parent. She did not even make the statement under oath.

  33. Mutinta on November 9, 2009 at 5:27 PM

    Chris Brown is just human in such a way when being hit at several times its just natural to react back. Of course men hit harder than women but people be real, it does not make it right either for a woman to abuse a man or he will react. It’s called respect. No matter what difference you have whether man or woman, you don’t have the right to hit another person. When a man feels like you don’t respect him, he will react. They are human beings.
    Control your anger before you expect others to control theirs or they will lose it too.

  34. Gigi Cabrera on November 9, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    Hello All,

    I am the current girlfriend (1.5 yrs) of a man who is being falsely accused of DV by his ex and mother of his 7 year old child. This woman who is actually the abuser, put a RO against him back in April 2008 after following him around town until she found him at a gas station where he stopped because he thought he had lost her. She then (5’10” and probably over 200lbs) jumped him, bit and scratched him, broker his laptop after getting it out of the car. All this while their daughter looked on from her vehicle and people at the station witnessed on. Someone called the police and when they arrived, she accussed him of beating her but thankfully for him people attested to the contrary and she was arrested. He bailed her out and to his surprise that was his worse mistake: she went back to police station and accussed him of beating her and they went and arrested him. He who had just bailed her out for assaulting him in front of a bunch of other people! She also accussed him of assaulting their child. Its been the same story ever since, she follows him around, calls him incessantly, leaves him messages threatening him, vandalizes his property, shows up at his house/job or his sisters house if he doesnt pick up her calls, has accussed him of violating RO and which he has been in jail and currently out on $6000 bail. She also coupled up with her sister who accussed him of assaulting him and thru a bogus witness was able to also get a RO against him. And now if either of them even sees him on the street, they follow him and call the police. Yesterday actually, the siter saw a friend of his at a barber shop and immediately went to police and accussed him of violating the RO more than a week ago. A warrant for his arrest was issued and now all he thinks about is killing himself because he doesnt know how he’s going to be able to get rid of all the problems without having to go to jail first and having an even longer rap sheet, all due to this woman’s obsession with him. She says she rather see him dead than with another woman.
    What I would like to know is, what can he do to defend himself from all these bogus claims and get all these charges dropped? If he has proof that she is falsely accussing him as well as her sister, can any charges be brought against them? Can he too get a RO agains them both? He has eye witnesses, text messages, emails, voice mails, recordings (audio and camera)of her following him and screaming obsceneties at him and his phone records that show that she is the one to call not the other way around. He asked for a RO back in July 09 after she showed up where he used to work and again assaulted him in front of his boss, coworkers and customers and then starting slapping their child as an example of what happens when he doesnt pick up her calls…This has gotten way out of hand and i would like to somehow find a way to help him and put an end to this crazy woman’s madness.

    Thanks,

    Gigi

  35. Chris T on October 31, 2009 at 4:07 AM

    Aaron,

    If you live in Illinois then you're screwed. I went through a long ordeal helping my boyfriend fight his ex-wife. Illinois is a "man hater" state. There is absolutely no chance of anyone doing anything for you (as a man). New York, California and Illinois are the three worst states to live in, and the feminists have completely taken control of those states, and I believe in Illinois you don't even have to touch a woman (the woman can just say that she is "scared") and the judge will give her a 2 year restraining order, take your kids, give her the house, money, and everything. You get tossed out on the street. I suggest you leave the state and there are no resources in Illinois to help men. VAWA only funds women only shelters, and women only legal centers and women only advocacy groups. There are only "women victim" resources, even Chicago Legal Clinic will not help any man who is charged with a false DV, because they claim that it's a "conflict of interest" (they are funded by VAWA). All the shelters and legal clinics are only for "battered women" and the legal system in Illinois is completely lopsided with over 90% of women getting sole custody it's unlikely that you'll get any justice in a state like Illinois if you are a man. You'd be better of leaving the state or possibly even leaving the country, there is no hope in America with modern feminist western "women victimology" culture in America. Every feminist claims to be a victim of something. Illinois is a left-wing welfare state that feeds into that feminist ideology. In the future, don't marry an American woman. Most American women (born in the 1960's and 1970's) have been poisoned by the feminist culture.

    • Devin on December 21, 2011 at 1:20 AM

      I'm sorry. But could you please provide proof of this "feminists have taken over this state?"

      The problem is, is that these states have high crime rates, even outside of domestic abuse. They focus greatly on these other crimes, regardless of sex.

      Also, I must point out, that most of those who report anything are pressured women. Men don't often report anything because men feel as though their "manhood" would be in danger if anyone were to find out about abuse by a woman. This is a wicked claim, and there is no such thing as oppression, since men oppress themselves.

  36. Aaron C. on September 11, 2009 at 3:55 PM

    I am a male victim of domestic violence. Six months ago, my wife tried to kill me with a pair of scissors, in front of our 9-year old daughter.

    I called the police – they did not come. I filed a police report – no follow up.

    I eventually was able to get a civil order of protection, but despite the felony crime, no charges have ever been filed. No one is interested.

    I have residential custody of my daughter, but am in a custody battle with the cards stacked against me.

    Does anyone know of resources in Illinois that can help me through this process, and help me provide a positive environment for my daughter through all of this?

  37. anon on August 12, 2009 at 6:24 PM

    My grandmother & mother were domestic violence women, whom are also immigrants. There are so few resources and support for them as well, and I encourage you to support immigrant men!
    I am a child of a Male Suvivor and he was also abused in childhood. but as a witness to this, I know my parents relationship was abusive on both ends. And they both abused me & my brother. I was also a victim of Intimate partner violence in my teens. I am female.

    It hurts. I have wondered so much if there weren’t abusive men out there. I see it so much in media i thought that’s how all of them were growing up. my heart goes out to you all.

    I feel saddened for those who feel like a whimp, because I think we have the wrong perception on what it is to be a man.

  38. JS on July 18, 2009 at 6:10 PM

    What also isn't noted here is the role of mothers in DV against their children. studies show that mothers are involved in 55% of domestic abuse against their children – more than twice the rate of fathers.
    Logic also dictates this to be fact – feminist propaganda worthy of Moscow 1920 dictates otherwise. Why are we living this lie?

  39. LT on July 8, 2009 at 1:32 PM

    The legal system with respect to domestic violence is clearly broken from my point of view. I must note I am not innocent of wrongdoing. While I was in a relationship, my girlfriend came home drunk and I pushed her. I was charged and convicted with assault despite the fact she did not want to move forward with charges. Some time after that, I was assulted by her in my own home to the point I was bleeding and had several bruises. The police had pictures of this and the Domestic Violence Unit called me to get my statement. Thinking I was in love with her and that she said she was sorry, I told them I did not want to move forward with charges against her. They drop the charges in court and the prosecutor told her "you don't look like someone that should be here". Sometime after this, she let her ex-boyfriend in my home to assault me. When the police came, they talked to the ex-boyfriend and congratulated him for beating me up since I was a "domestic abuser". There were no charges filed against him even though had a broken jaw and injured back. Several months later, she put several holes in the wall of my new home and tried to break a window. I called the police and they took pictures, statements, etc. Again I was called by the Domestic Violence Unit of the Prosecutors' office. Again, thinking I wanted to work things out with her and that she said she was sorry, I asked them to drop the charges. And again, they did without charging her or anything.

    So, in summary, the prosecting attorney's office clearly has their sights set on convicting males involved in domestic violence but give females a "free pass". If this isn't a blatant example of sexual discrimination, I don't know what is.

    • tristan on August 20, 2011 at 6:30 AM

      You are a fucking idiot if you had anything to do with that girl after the first time

      • Luming Zhou on January 8, 2013 at 12:47 PM

        When the police came, they talked to the ex-boyfriend and congratulated him for beating me up since I was a “domestic abuser”.

        Police officers and judges interpret the law however they want. Laws are inherently vague and are open to interpretation. Even if the law states that revenge is forbidden, judges nevertheless favor it and would usually give lesser sentencing if the “wrongdoing” is perceived as an act of revenge rather than aggression.

        For instance, if two men were having a (mutual) street fight, then the law says that both men should be charged equally. But in reality this is rarely the case. Often, there is one who is “perceived” to be “victim” that is “defending himself”, and he would get a lesser sentence. Often the “victim” would spend only a night in prison despite the other one spending years in it.

  40. Contessa on July 3, 2009 at 8:38 PM

    There are good and honest women in every age range – but it's a risk to get involved. I realize this. What sometimes happens is that women who would otherwise never lie allow themselves to take the advice of those less scrupulous.

    As far as false accusations, the ones against my husband not only included incest but domestic violence, so I understand your pain.

    My heart goes out to you.

  41. Erich on May 12, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    Por favor, necesito ayuda. Mi ex esposa me acosa constantemente con demandas penales por el apoyo que el tema de la violencia intrafamiliar hacia la mujer ha tenido. No me deja trabajar, ha hecho que quiebre mi empresa fundada en el 2002 ante los constantes ataques de "dame tanto$$$$ o te meto preso" ya no aguanto mas, no se donde recurrir!!!! ayudenme!!!

  42. Robert Hodge on May 7, 2009 at 1:31 AM

    RADAR ALERT: Want a Good Laugh? Check Out the SAFE Act!

    Submitted by Matt on Mon, 2009-05-04 17:52.
    What if you knew a bill had been introduced in Congress in which most of the findings were misleading, outdated, or simply false? Welcome to wonderful, wacky world of HR 739, the Security and Financial Empowerment Act (SAFE).

    The bill contains 53 different claims. Only 4 of those claims can be verified as accurate, current, and truthful. As for the remaining 49 claims, whoever dreamed up this stuff has an incredible sense of humor!

    The following bold-faced quotes come straight from the SAFE Act findings. They are followed by the actual facts. So get ready for some side-splitting humor:

    “Violence against women has been reported to be the leading cause of physical injury to women.” Here’s what the website of U.S. Department of Health and Human Services shows:
    Under the graph the DHHS states, “All of the leading causes of injury in 2006 were unintentional.” But domestic violence is an intentional cause of injury. In other words, DV is not even on the list of leading causes of injury.
    “According to recent Government estimates, approximately 987,400 rapes occur annually in the United States”. Here’s what the FBI really says:
    “In 2007, the estimated number of forcible rapes (90,427) decreased 2.5 percent from the 2006 estimate.” So the SAFE number is off by about 900,000. We’ll just call it a rounding error.
    Now ready to have a real belly laugh? Check out RADAR’s critique (.pdf file) of the SAFE findings.

    After you see all the misleading claims, misrepresentations, and outright falsehoods, tell your Representative that people shouldn’t be making a joke of domestic violence.

    Tell your congressman to vote ‘No’ against the SAFE Act. As always, please remember to be polite.

    To find your Representative’s contact information go to http://www.house.gov/ and enter your zip code in the upper left corner.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    Date of RADAR Release: May 4, 2009

    R.A.D.A.R. – Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting – is a non-profit, non-partisan organization of men and women working to improve the effectiveness of our nation’s approach to solving domestic violence. http://www.mediaradar.org/.
    http://news.mensactivism.org/node/12416

  43. CA on April 29, 2009 at 2:53 AM

    My brother has been falsely accused of DV. He and his girlfreind have a son 5 years old. He is the light of everyone's life in my family and spends most all his time with us and my parents. I truely belive my brother- My newphew ismy brother's life. My brother help to raise her son from a previous relationship- he is now 15 -my brother has raise him since he was about 5.
    She has never worked. Anyhow- what does a wrongfully accused person do- She has a PFA against him- and no one can see my newphew- who knows what she's telling him——Just show me where to geet help- HEARTbroken in PA.

  44. Wes on April 21, 2009 at 2:12 AM

    My ex wife in Oregon did essentially the same thing to me in 1995. And got the kids, alienated the kids from me, got the house. I declared bk. I am still hanging on by a thread and cannot get a proper job even now…I think there must be a record I have to try to expunge, though i committed no violence and was falsely accused of it.

    You are not alone, Scott. Next time, if there is one, do not get married and do not live with anyone but another guy or just live by yourself. Oh, don't marry a white college-educated female from the 60s or 70s. They hate us.

    Wes

  45. NFM on April 15, 2009 at 2:28 AM

    DBA, I've included your comment over at our manhood101.com forum in the section "Exposing Feminism", under the Domestic violence against men thread.

  46. scott on April 13, 2009 at 8:25 AM

    I would also like to add that the DA nor the officer issuing warrant do not want to pursue….. yet they are tied by the hands that allow for the alleged victim to continue to pursue to the sensitivity of CDV…

    The end result, this is now being used as leverage in divorce court. I am at my end….. and I am innocent of CDV! If someone wants a divorce……so be it.. but destroying a life… wow! Could anyone discuss?

  47. scott hafley on April 6, 2009 at 1:39 AM

    I am currently charged with CDV. These charges have been ongoing since 23 June 2008. I have not been back in my home since… and my soon to be X wife (I'm husband number 5) is using these charges as leverage and the DA doesn't want to pursue but can't dismiss because of potential repurcussions and sensitivity of topic.

    And my attorny wanted to let this situation run its course. I have since hired a new attorny who is also my divorce attorney.

    Bottom line……. retired military officer, no prior convictions, etc……of any kind… especially CDV.

    I have endured major mental duress, financial hardship, and I'm in the fight of my life. This charge, although you won't find companies that will admit it on paper, has led to no new job offers… I have a bacheolors degree and a 23 year extremely successful military career and a strong resume……yet no job offers after over 50 employment applications for jobs I am qual's or overqual'd for.

    Any suggestions? I am broke, I am embarrassed, I am desparate.

    The system in South Carolina has allowed this…… what are my rights? What can I do to reclaim my life and reputation?

    Scott

    • toni on August 7, 2011 at 6:01 PM

      Scott for the past 9 months my life has been a night mare just read your posting.im going threw the same thing as you. except there is one thing different i am a female 45 with a young son what my husband as done to me with a helping hand from s.c. system i will never overcome being charged cdv im the victom 9 months now still not had jury trial my world as follin apart one mans lies and a system that dont care what happens to me. hey sorry i know your pain i feel it and i live it every day for 9 months the only thing i have left the truth always comes out in the long run.guess ill see sometime in the future if thats true.i will never overcome this im sad very sad wish you the best.

    • Dan on November 13, 2011 at 4:25 PM

      Scott, I feel for you. Although I doubt I have any suggestions you haven't already discussed with your attorney, I can tell you that you are not alone. I have sufferd grieviously due to false allegations for d/v, and lost most of evrything I owen out of fear that if I showed up to collect my belongings, with a police officer ,of course, as required by law as I was on bail, that she would simply lie again to the police in order to get me re-arrested. I struggle dailey, and as a student, now almost 40, It is extremely difficult to focus long enough to get my studies done. Luckily for me, the police witnessed first hand her( my girlfriend) comit a act of violence against me, and refused to charge her,. Because I this I am in the first stages of filing a civil suit against that police department for sexual descrimination. The only suggestion I have is to get lots of couseling, try to keep this to yourself as best as possible so you dont feel descriminated against by any else, and remind yourself dailey that this was not your fault. Maybe someday your wounds will heal.

    • Rachel on May 19, 2012 at 4:18 PM

      Scott, my husband is going through the same situation with an ex of his. I too am looking for advice as this is still an ongoing problem. He was wrongly accused and had an awful lawyer that told him to just plead guilty so his sentence wouldn't be as bad, (even though he was innocent and it was her word against his.) So he is still having to deal with bs and now a probation revocation (I am very ill and he missed a probation meeting taking me to the ER), so I would love to know if anyone has advice on how to proceed? He is a wonderful man and does not deserve this crap.

  48. DBA on March 17, 2009 at 8:20 PM

    I’m a database analyst and have worked with coroners and medical examiners for many years. I’m also a male victim of DV and of false allegations of DV. Out of curiosity, I ran some of my own database queries and found that the male/female ratio of victims of DV-related homicides was 50/50. The “official” stats from the DOJ don’t take into account, for example, a mother drowning her son in a bathtub.
    Let me know if I can help!

    • Luming Zhou on January 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      I have guessed that the ratio is indeed 50/50.

      The official stats are also biased. When a woman kills her husband, it would be considered “self-defense” and not “murder.” This is due to the idea that women are only violent when they are abused. I have seen news stories in which women are exonerated for their killings due to perceived prior abuse.

  49. Barry Jernigan, Pres on January 12, 2009 at 1:16 PM

    Is there an effort being made to catalogue (with full documentation — medical reports, police reports, legal documents, etc) male victims of dv and/or their being denied service by shelters with the names and locations of the shelters, their Executive Directors, etc. With the advent of Woods vs. Shewry it may be possible to initiate similar proceedings in other states. Strike while the iron is hot. KY DV shelters for instance insist that they DO provide same service for men as women. The status quo would indicate otherwise.

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Great Resources for Abused Men

 
  • Dometic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women, based in Maine, offers 24-hour hotline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754) and may be offering shelter services.
  • Valley Oasis in Lancater, CA has offers shelter and other services for men and their children. 24-hour Hotline: (661) 945-6736.
  • Family of Men Support Society, Calgary, Canada, shelter and support services.
  • Male Survivor, Overcoming Sexual Victimization of Boys and Men
  • probono.net, provides resources for pro bono and legal services attorneys and others working to assist low income or disadvantaged clients.
  • LawHelp.org, helps low and moderate income people find free legal aid programs in their communities, answers to questions about their legal rights, and find forms to help with their legal problems.
  • Shared Parenting Works has parenting plans and other resources.
  • Walk a Mile in HIS Shoes resources for abused men in Canada.
  • One in Three Campaign resoures for abused men in Australia.
  • Stop Abuse for Everyone, one of the most comprehensive and oldest sites dedicated to victims of domestic violence. The site was recently upgraded with the assistance of NCFM. The site includes an interactive map of north America for helping to find shelter services that might or do help abused men.

More great resources for men and those who care about men. Ask your elected officials if they do.

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