Whatever you call it, its mine!
NCFM San Diego members are writing a play. It’s a take-off on the Vagina Monologues and may be ready by November and International Men Day. In the process our aspiring playwrights decided to compile a list of synonyms for the word penis to use while writing. It appears that the word “Penis” may have more synonyms than any other word in the English language. If they missed any, please leave the missing penises in the comment section below. Admittedly, some are a bit obscure but a penis by any name us still a “deep-V-diver”. Here ya’go:
| Adolph |
| Albino Cave Dweller |
| baby-arm |
| baby-maker |
| baloney pony |
| beaver basher |
| beef whistle |
| bell on a pole |
| bishop |
| Bob Dole |
| boomstick |
| braciole |
| bratwurst |
| burrito |
| candle |
| choad |
| chopper |
| chub |
| chubby |
| cock |
| cranny axe |
| cum gun |
| custard launcher |
| dagger |
| deep-V diver |
| dick |
| dickie |
| ding dong mcdork |
| dink |
| dipstick |
| disco stick |
| dog head |
| dong |
| donger |
| dork |
| dragon |
| drum stick |
| dude piston |
| Easy Rider |
| eggroll |
| Excalibur |
| fang |
| ferret |
| fire hose |
| flesh flute |
| flesh tower |
| froto |
| fuck rod |
| fudge sickle |
| fun stick |
| gigi |
| groin |
| heat-seeking moisture missile |
| hog |
| hose |
| jackhammer |
| Jimmy |
| John |
| John Thomas |
| Johnson |
| joystick |
| junk |
| kickstand |
| king sebastian |
| knob |
| krull the warrior king |
| lap rocket |
| leaky hose |
| lingam |
| little Bob |
| little Elvis |
| lizard |
| longfellow |
| love muscle |
| love rod |
| love stick |
| luigi |
| manhood |
| mayo shooting hotdog gun |
| meat constrictor |
| meat injection |
| meat popsicle |
| meat stick |
| meat thermometer |
| member |
| meter long king kong dong |
| microphone |
| middle stump |
| Moisture and heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love |
| Mr. Knish |
| mushroom head |
| mutton |
| netherrod |
| old boy |
| old fellow |
| old man |
| one-eyed monster |
| one-eyed snake |
| one-eyed trouser-snake |
| one-eyed wonder weasel |
| one-eyed yogurt slinger |
| pecker |
| Pedro |
| peepee |
| Percy |
| peter |
| Pied Piper |
| Pig skin bus |
| pink oboe |
| piss weasle |
| piston |
| plug |
| pnor |
| poinswatter |
| popeye |
| pork sword |
| prick |
| private eye |
| private part |
| purple-headed yogurt flinger |
| purple-helmeted warrior of love |
| quiver bone |
| Ramburglar |
| rod |
| rod of pleasure |
| roundhead |
| sausage |
| schlong |
| schlong dongadoodle |
| schmeckel |
| schmuck, shmuck |
| schnitzel |
| schwanz |
| schwartz |
| sebastianic sword |
| shaft |
| short arm |
| single barrelled pump action bollock yogurt shotgun |
| skin flute |
| soldier |
| spawn hammer |
| steamin’ semen truck |
| stick shift |
| surfboard |
| Tallywhacker |
| Tan Bannana |
| tassle |
| third leg |
| thumper |
| thunderbird 3 |
| thundersword |
| tinker |
| todger |
| tonk |
| tool |
| trouser snake |
| tubesteak |
| twig (& berries) |
| twinkie |
| vein |
| wand |
| wang |
| wang doodle |
| wanger |
| wee wee |
| whoopie stick |
| wick |
| wiener |
| Wiener Schnitzel |
| willy |
| wing dang doodle |
| winkie |
| yingyang |
| yogurt gun |
Dick Tracey
What about meat member ship… (comment edited)
Moisture missle
Chief Totem Pole
The best of all! Homewrecker!
That’s one of many descriptive phrases that fit Joan Harmon…
YOU FORGOT SWORD
Dirty Dick !
Another one i use is Car.
Get it the car parks in the garage (vagina)
And nobody came up with Big Bird yet?
Nookie monster
Shween
How about womb broom?
always only heard womb broom in reference to a mustache. maybe a beard. but this makes sense too. lol
Jamicains call it a womb stretcher
wienis , love gun, chubby funster, richard, purple headed meat hammer
My mother-in-law called “his” the rosebud when he was a child.
I called it Richard when we were dating and writing letters to each other (for you younguns, that was e-mail before the e-.
Lame ass bitch
Ding-dang doodly
For Filipino wife: vanilla from Manila
Forgot Dingus, Dangus, Fireman, Fudge Packer, Holy diver, Moses (Parts the pink sea), Pork Sword, Willy Wonka, Monkey Wrench, and Sexy tube
You forgot:
Magic Stick
Longshanks
The Bozack
Pile Driver
Meat Flute
Flesh Flute
Hustle Muscle
Alabama Black Snake
Anaconda
Python
Heavy D and the Boys
Tonsil-tapper
The D
Vitamin D
Get Right
Ouch-maker
Love Ladel
Knife
and “my three best friends mr johnson and the juice crew” or “my inflatable poo-jabber”
omy gosh! who would ever call there hump bump a knife?! Im a lady and if any dude was to ever call it a knife to me I would run as fast as I could and wouldnt look back. Calling your thrust rocket a knife is the equilvelent to me calling my pleasure hole a cheese grater. JS…
Hahahahah, haha, hahahahaha. Good one
We had a friend with the name Dick Little & our Banker was Richard Head AKA Dick Head .
“Wedding tackle” — head a British bloke say this one day. Hilarious!
Slime spitting flesh monster
Dick stick make it quick
Trouser tumor
Mr. Long skin
Pump action protein shake dispenser
Hump lump
Flesh bat with balls included
JADER
Beer Can
Cheney
tripod
helmet
crafty butcher (sneaking meat in the back door)
Meat and two veg
a previous boy friend always called mine “tooter moose”
snake
light saber
I call my husbands “Mr. Rogers” and often ask him if he wants to come to the neighborhood.
The entire neighborhood taps that?
LOL… She opened a can a worms on that one. LOL
Piece
The Rape Whistle
While I’ve been having a damn good giggle, this bastard had to ruin it. You’re a sick prick (yes yes I realise the pun).
I call my boyfriend’s member Steelix, cause he sure likes to use “harden” a whole lot
Then it should be called metapod
My girlfriend calls my “member” Darth Vader!
Pork steeple, One-eyed Willy, Pud, Pocket Pud, Herman the One-eyed German, Yippee Rod, Dew Piston, Junk Driver, Cave Diver, Thomas the Tank, Trouser Mowzer, and The One-eyed One-Horned Flying Purple Pu$$y Eater lol
What about meat Popsicle?
Hahahaha thet last one$$$$
Shenanigan maker
my girlfriend calls mine the drama queen cos he likes to stand at inappropriate times when everybody’s seated
Are you like 12? Dafuq
Bloodhorn.
Ol’ Babol
Gubla Gobler
Barney
Spunk trumpet!
What about a hang down?
Two military-themed ones missing are “trouser howitzer” and “blujean bazooka”
because mine tends to show (poke out) when i wear gym shorts or sweatpants, my wife came up with Pokey-mon
Mr. Happy; Fatty; Fun Gun
Jewels,family jewels,gems
Well that’s more for the balls, not the millimeter peter.
Strudel
When I was growing up my family always called it a “bird.” I still have no idea where that came from, maybe cock? Who knows. And you forgot “Naughty bits.”
My family too! I find people in the North East (Virginia on up) called it a bird. I think if I called my significant other’s a bird he’d wonder, wtf? Lol!
Dirty Hairy
Trauser Trout
Weapon of ass destruction
crank, joint, slick swizzle stick, purple piccolo
Pink stinger
Meat Dragon spewing white syrup. A world of Warcraft type of things
Vitamin D
How about a “Barack” since he’s such a dick?
If we’re going by that logic then we should call it a George W. Bush
Why not just President. They’re all dicks.
How about the Portugese hand pump or the one eyed cobra
I assume that means you see dicks as a negative thing to have and to hold. You must be a trans!! Not that there is any thing wrong with a trans guy….he just doesn’t treasure his tool
I think you’re assuming all trans people are transitioning to being women. I’m a person transitioning to male. I love my dangus.
Also trans women are women, regardless of having a wingding.
LEABE MY MANS ALONE
got a couple to add to your list: anaconda, beefstick, bestfriend, hard-on, hot beef injection, lil’ buddy, morning wood, package, phallus, red rocket, salami, sword, tripod, unit, velvet hammer and wood.
Dangling diner
Bubba Plump
My stripper pole
Bustheva
Her weave killer
Lace front massacre
The female popsicle
Cucumber,footlong,pickle,the stallion,the womenator,swipe,shaft,franken beans,corndog,captain cave man,mighty mouse,pipe, powerdriver,the destroyer,magic stick, mandingo,king Kong,donkey dick,pistol pete,quick draw,
My favorite was a phrase used in some Victorian porn: “Cupid’s battering ram.”
It looks like somebody has a little too much time on their hands…
how about trouser monkey
scorpian tail
beef injecter
cinder (like cinder block)
black momba
dragon
fire breathing dragon
and sleeping pill lol. thas all the things me n my boyfriend call his
Girls call their part a monkey. so trouser monkey doesnt work. ur bf needs to rethink that.
Matt, it sounds like your girl may have once been a man because I am pretty sure that I have been spanking my monkey for more than my entire life. I’ve never heart a woman call her Giner a monkey, maybe my monkey hammock but not a actual monkey.
That’s not trans phobic at all.
How'd you miss ding-a ling ?
right?! chuck berry even wrote a song about it… which was promptly banned
Except in Britain, where it reached Number One!
weapon could be another word for it too!
gun
Actually I was thinking of suggesting "174 ways to name your lover"
It's kind of a take off of that silly Paul Simon song
Nice article, Harry. It's about time we bring this out for open discussion. I've really grown tired of the smae old women crap that we're subjected to on TV and elsewhere.'
Let's see if they protest their own medicine now.
Here’s a few more for your list… little guy, Limp noodle, staff, sceptre, shlong, turd bugler, pogo stick, kack, ram rod,
How could you forget “Power Pole”!! (Dragon Ball)