By Steven DeLuca
Excuse my grammar and spelling. I grew up in housing projects, violent and poorly educated family. I spend summers as a child working in bean and berry fields and like many males from lower-class homes I never caught up with Spelling, grammar and punctuation.
That doesn’t make me stupid although I am sure you will think I am by the end of this mini rant, but what I do know is gender issues. What I have learned is that almost all so called experts in gender issues are women who are only concerned about one gender, their own.
Boys brought up to never cry, or whine or complain, but to “make money” because their net worth and self-worth are often the same, don’t get together in groups and talk about how tough men have it compared to women. Worse for them, they think the horrid things women say about men must be true because, you know, why would women lie? [For money, power, revenge, control, just like men?]
I have been reading your missives for years and the one below evoked a strong response. I wonder why you just want to stop violence just against women as your article below clearly demands.
I was sexually abused at age 3 by an older female relative. I worked with prisoners and abused teens and most of the abuse they had been subjected to was from women when they were children. Females are more likely to attack a male partner than males are to attack a female partner (I know, more women are badly injured or killed but overlooking hundreds of male deaths and hundreds of thousands of male injuries seems unlikely to prevent women and children from adult violence. Most child abuse and neglect comes from mothers. Lesbians have more DV than do heterosexuals. HAVE YOU EVER PUBLICLY SHARED THOSE STORIES?
I know that you know these things so why continue to pretend that the cycle of violence doesn’t start with a 150 lb mother slapping her sons and daughters on a weekly basis – adult violence starts with men AND women beating children or attacking each other in front of their children.
As far as Dominique Strauss-Kahn goes, there are some of us who wondered if he wasn’t considered guilty until proven innocent from the start – which is what feminist groups are pushing for; isn’t it? If a woman makes a claim, skip a trial, just put his male ass in jail? You wrote ” I hate to say it, it’s surprising how long it took to start” about the rape you discuss. What you might not have noticed was that immediately this man was seen as guilty.
Remember how ya’ll made jokes and laughed about Bobbit … I forget the couples first name but she cut
his dick off saying to the cops he always gets to climax and she doesn’t then later it was because she was raped and battered. Well, what did you think when later than that she punched her mom in the face while watching TV? Did you ever consider that she was just a crazy bitch (Oh, was I not supposed to say the “B” word. That’s right, your group said my gender was responsible for most birth defects from kicking our pregnant wives around, the biggest reason for birth defects you said. Turns out not to be true and you never apologized for that… but you can say such things with no proof and men saying Bitch are what, sexist jerks?)
I have worked with teens, adults, seniors and children in treatment facilities… it sickens me what men AND women have done to each other but what sickens me more is your organization teaching others that violence is a one way street from men to women and children – so why is there two way traffic?
The Vagina Monologues doesn’t dare mention female violence towards women and children because it puts a serious dent in the argument that it’s “Testosterone Poisoning” that causes all violence. (Thanks Alan Alda for coming up with that term in Ms Magazine as he Uncle Tomed his way into feminist hearts and minds.)
We live in a world where all teens have heard “Dead Beat Dads” a hundred times and never once have they been told that mothers adjudicated to pay child support have a worse record.
You are MSinforming the public about many things. Your push for equal pay isn’t for equal work, it’s for safer and more comfortable work. I saw Pelosi holding a shovel by the handle in a way that would prevent her from being able to pull up any dirt. The photo was a political opportunity on the the cover of a recent Disabled American Veteran Magazine. The three men next to her were holding the shovel properly. I thought about how hard most men work for their families and how you, and your staff are clueless. Almost all men know how to hold a shovel. And yet Pelosi will be one of the first to suggest that she knows how much male labor and female labor is worth. If done with paper and pen in an office, big bucks. If sweat and back breaking work with a shovel, not so much pay?
I am a 100% disabled vet, age 65, screw in my hip, two screws in my shoulder, PTSD, anemia from cancer a few years ago and I would challenge the president of NOW or Pelosi or Hillary Clinton (I know that Pelosi and Clinton serve America but few women have any idea what living with a 100% disability is like for decades; that’s serving) to a challenge. We can have a little test of men and women’s work by putting a pile of sand a hundred yards from a wheel barrow, and for an hour we move that pile of sand a hundred yards back to where we started and we see how much I move compared to any of you… and if I can move 25% more should I get 25% more pay. If you had to hire a male laborer who could do more work – for a year – or a female for a year, for less work, do they get the same pay. If a 65 years old man with screws in his joints, and anemia can out work you physically, what would a healthy young man do.
Do any of you have a clue about why men earn more than women (Not get paid more, EARN more) You think it’s discrimination. You need to read Warren Farrell’s book “Why Men Earn More” We earn more because we do the dangerous and dirty jobs you are trying to have you and your sisters avoid. 93% of deaths at work are male deaths. I was reading the recent DAV magazine and a female military women was upset that the DAV mag was so “male centric” … no lie. It’s because 99.999% of deaths in our wars are male. It’s because almost all 100 % disabilities are male. Female disabilities are often the same as civilian, a car wreck, an accident, and not by intentionally putting them on the front lines.
Discrimination in America isn’t towards women. Our government saw that one gender, female, had a few national health programs. That gender outlived men by a year in 1920 and now it’s 6. So which gender got more national health programs? Our sisters. Not our brothers. Men die younger from leading health risks and yet we don’t have one national health program for men.
Your heroes like Mary Pipher write Reviving Ophelia and speak of the “girl poisoning culture” and about how Clinton, Tipper Gore, Janet Reno and others are there for girls. Whose there for boys? Most of society is not for boys. Pipher speaks of doing things our mothers never dreamed of doing. Well, they still are not filling the coal mines, or working on roof tops. If we have a draft again we won’t be sending women to the front lines. Your organization claims to be FOR women but you are “poisoning” the minds of girls – and boys. You have taught myths and lies for years and have elevated propaganda in ways Hitler would be proud of. Your programs to help girls accept being fat will destroy the health of girls and will contribute to diabetes and early deaths. (A woman wrote an article “Do your daughter a favor, tell her she’s fat” I agree. Tell your sons too and help them both get healthy.
You once taught that 150,000 women died a year from eating disorders. You blamed men (How can you say all we care about is tits and ass and then also claim we men wanted women built like starving teen boys ;shaped like a 2 by 4?) When it turned out to be fewer than 100 women and girls dying a year did you apologize for comparing men forcing women to become anorexic, to Nazis killing Jews? How does a rumor like that start, well, bigots start it and others don’t think about what’s being said. If 150,000 women died a year then Safeway and Costco would only have male shoppers by now.
You look at a girl dieting and worry about her “self image” but who had the eating disorder, that girl dieting (to try to have an image that is more likely to get male attention and the PERKS that go with it, free dinners, a life time of financial support for some. Nine girls who don’t look pretty, so sad, neglected, can’t use sexual power to get what they want from men, instead they have to do what most men do, get a personality, a job, money, charm… to get a partner) or the millions of teen boys eating two cheese burgers, super sized fries, and a 40 ounce coke that leads to male deaths from heart attacks in their 30’s?
Which gender loses children in child custody hearings if they both want full custody. I was the primary caretaker of my children. (Ya, this guy writing a rude letter must be a cave man that wants women barefoot and pregnant – I am guessing that’s what you think… I also taught self-defense to women and girls. I worked as a counselor for teen girls. I took care of disabled seniors too. I have worked with women raped in police work and as a friend… so no, don’t stereotype me or any man) Despite being the primary caretaker I was warned that I might lose custody in court because the courts favor women in almost all things. My wife knew I would take the kids to another country if that happened.
You and Obama want to figure out what men’s pay is worth while sitting in air conditioned offices sipping coffee and trading votes for dollar$. I have a suggestion, go in a coal mine for a week. Work a roof top. Get on that Alaska fishing boat, get sick, pay thousands of dollars for a helicopter to take you away. Go ride a Humvee for a month in a war zone. Then figure out what men’s work is worth and also notice that that extra pay for extra risk goes to women and children.
My twin sister and fiance at age 18 in 1964 didn’t have to register for the draft. They were not drafted in 1966, they didn’t end up with a 100% disability either. Life isn’t just hard on SOME women.
I was watching a BBC program last night with my wife (Professional women, worked decades, retiring soon, we love each other despite my anti-feminist views) titled Human Planet: Disc 2 and I thought about how your group teaches others that men around the world dominate and exploit women. Disc one had similar stories to disc two but I recall the last stories more clearly. I saw a black man in a primitive (not saying worse than ours) society climbing over a hundred feet in a tree because his wife wasn’t happy that she hadn’t had much honey lately. His tribe thought he was brave as he was stung over and over getting that honey for his wife and kids. Another story showed three black men, small guys, spears, going up to 15 lions at a kill, big males and females growling, bloody faces. The lions back off for moments while they steal part of the kill and hurry off before the lions attack. Another story showed men going into a live volcano breathing gases to carry out phosphorous (I think it was) double their body weight, bodies bent, crippled from the work, eyes going bad, lungs shot, early deaths. All were risking their lives and willing to die young to feed families. Do you not see that this is male nature, to take risks to support women and girls and our sons too.
In America men deal with long hours at boring dangerous jobs and die younger … they get paid a little more, but they don’t spend it on themselves. It’s not men with $5,000 dollar purses or 40 pairs of shoes. It’s not men expecting jewelry and dinners from women.
Women like Pipher will discuss how girls make 4 times more attempts to commit suicide and then refer you to their footnotes where they mention boys succeed more but they do not tell you boys are four times as likely to DIE. In our current wars we send males for multiple tours of duty, ya’ll couldn’t do one without losing it… I am pretty sure. More male soldiers are dying at their own hands than from the enemies. 30 males in our war zones try suicide, 19 succeed, – per day…that we know of. Meanwhile you are worrying about girls body images, or defending any claim of rape before the facts are in. You want to do something positive, stop bashing males and help the boys dropping out of school, help those suicidal soldiers, it’s not just about you.
Many rape claims are false and ruin male lives. Thus far DNA testing has freed over 200 males wrongly accused of rape from prison. (Think of the Duke Univ. Boys. Guilty until proven innocent.)
Men sacrifice in work and war and you call us exploiters. We live in silence with our disabilities from work or war and never cite serious injuries as a gender issue. We men don’t whine and complain about much of anything and we don’t blame women for our personal problems or for ending up in the middle or the bottom instead of at the top. We don’t equate men dying in war as a big deal and yet women rage because some girl was dissuaded from taking shop class in the 60’s (I took home economics in 1964, you are not as cutting edge as you think) You go on and on about sexism towards females ignoring the many males who were FORCED to either go to Canada, jail, or the army, you ignore the 58,000 dead, their voices silent for decades as Ellen Goodman writes about how tough females had it “back in the day”.
You and Congress need to read “The War Against Boys” by- well, you now damn well know who don’t you, or maybe not. [I just asked a woman that went through a training program about Domestic Violence and had worked for several months in a shelter is she know who Erin Pizzey was, she didn’t. Ya’ll wouldn’t want a woman to know that other women, even the founder of the first shelter, didn’t think DV was a gender issue would you. Might cause her to question some of those women who helped get funding for the man-haters that run the shelters]
You would not dare put Christina Hoff Sommers book in your “gender studies” reading list for students. You would not put “How Obamas Gender Policies Undermine America” in your gender studies classes either. Why, because it doesn’t fit your male bashing agenda and not because the author, Diana Furchtgott-Roth once a chief economist at the U.S. Dept. of Labor isn’t a well educated woman and knows what she speaks of. It’s because you pretend to want fairness when you have no clue about what is fair. The fair pay act. Sounds fair. But it’s another way to take money from hard working men and give it to women.
When women are dying in the work place at equal rates to men, – same for war, same for gaining custody of children. and when equal numbers of men are graduating from college, when we provide equal numbers of national health care programs for men… when women start worrying about what to buy their husbands on Valentines Day, when equal numbers of men and women who care about both genders are teaching gender studies then I will take time to listen to pay fairness…
John Mayer has a song that reminds me of how NOW and other women’s groups look at gender. It’s about fathers and mother being good to their daughters… but for boys he sings “boys you can break, see how much they can take” … and it’s treating boys roughly is why more boys commit suicide [ As if you care – do you even know that most child injuries and deaths are not just from mom’s but directed at sons?) . And treating boys roughly, putting them on the streets earl and saying “make it or die” is why so many men are at the top and far more at the bottom. It’s why so many males shut off feelings as much as possible and most are clueless about gender issues that affect males. No one is teaching boys about gender issues, we teach them a trumped up version of women’s issues
I have studied gender since childhood watching how my twin sister was protected by most adults in society. Her husband, who supported her for decades, working 50 hours a week didn’t see her working and him staying home as an option. My brothers, one suicide, two druggies, lost out because of class and gender issues and child abuse too, from both parents. Life it good to some men and women and hard for others. I have been reading our nonsense for years… I finally had to protest. You are not experts if you only care about and only try to help your own gender. I am for both genders.
US Army Retired.
On 7/9/2011 2:05 AM, to view what the National Organization for Women wrote click here View it in your browser.