By Eric Ross, Ph.D, NCFM Acting President, Greater New York Chapter
The definition of domestic violence by the US Department of Justice (2011) is, in part, as follows:
“We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”
Read it and weep! “Emotional” and “economic”? – Let me clarify that: this spectacularly all-inclusive, “anything your heart desires, honey” feminist definition of what is violence is oftentimes played out in the Family Courts, declaring a man to be the perpetrator of Domestic Violence Abuse (usually shouted in all caps in the Orders of Protection handed out like candy) when his remark or a facial expression allegedly “humiliated” or “intimidated” or “frightened” his gold-digging wife or girlfriend.
Surprised? You thought you knew what violence was! Well, think again. Apparently, there are scores of enterprising law-makers out there from the rank and file of “family and matrimonial” lawyers, concerned with cash flows as more and more lawyers join the ranks, fresh from the conveyor lines of the country’s law schools. (The US has more lawyers than the rest of the world combined.)
They and the scores of no less enterprising gender feminists have redefined you as the abuser, rapist and murderer, based on your genetic differences from those who do not have a penis. In the process, they slated you to surrender at least seventy five (75) percent of your current and future net worth. You didn’t take heed when George Orwell warned you that the new definitions were going to be “War is Peace”, “Freedom is Slavery” and “Ignorance is Strength.” Now, pay the price.
When she declares that he refused to give her the super-sized amounts of money for shopping, entertainment and her night on the town, and he called for moderation in expenses ― it is an “economic” form of DV, “to control her”. If your budget is shrinking or you are unemployed, it does not matter. Your goose is cooked, dude. While you were busily building your American dream, they turned you into a criminal, unbeknownst to you. As George Carlin, comedian extraordinaire said, “It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” So, here’s your wake-up call: All it takes is her word. And we have a large number of court transcripts to prove it.
Most litigants know little-to-nothing about the fact that the actual Domestic Violence as defined by law involves much more than an unkind word or an occasional absence of a happy grin on your face. It is… actual violence as we all know it, such as pushing and shoving, kicking and scratching ― all the things women often do, and men hardly ever complain about for fear of being ridiculed, or worse ― arrested as if they were the perpetrators. VAWA mandates arrests of men, no matter who committed violence, often even when he is the only injured party. If she slaps you ― leave immediately, if she hits you with a fist or a kitchen implement ― call the police. This “relationship” will never work! Never try to protect yourself unless she’s armed and dangerous, never trade punches. If she made a false allegation against you once, chances are extremely high that she will make them again.
The Family Law gives her numerous incentives to lie and connive. There’s a big pot of gold for her at the end: your property and future earnings. She doesn’t want you, she wants your money. She wants you, but only as her financial slave. There are numerous cash flows from your pocket into the lawyers participating in this farce, as well. They are not going to give up big money they will reap by asserting false allegations, just to assure your child’s happiness. The allegations in the Orders of Protection, which are doled out to women like candy, oftentimes do not rise to the level of violence by a long shot. So, men naively assume that the Judges will see the kind of “nonsense” these allegations are and will treat them as such. So, men often do not take such “off-the-wall” allegations seriously and do not fight them in court ― a major mistake that may ultimately land them in jail, and for a long time.
Men caught up in this crazy-making trust their lawyers. Their lawyers usually get them into much more trouble than there was to begin with. There’s much more money to be made this way by lawyers, judges, prison industry, the family courts’ probation officers, Legal Aid Society lawyers funded by the money funneled through VAWA, and numerous other state actors, when you’re in a sea of trouble. Realize that you are essentially up against the largest racketeering enterprise in the history of the Human Civilization, and that your lawyer may turn out to be your enemy, even when you do your best to manage this professional relationship intelligently, gently but firmly.
Know the law regarding allegations of “domestic violence abuse.” In New York it is the Family Court Act Section 8. Read it top to bottom. Memorize it. Make your teenage son memorize it. It may save your life, and his. Demand that Judges stick to the letter of this essentially criminal law, deliberately “civilized” so as to allow the bottom feeders among the Family and Matrimonial lawyers unlimited abuse of people, such as yourself by the Family Courts, where the Judge is also the Jury and the Prosecutor, and enjoys virtually unlimited discretion, along with absolute immunity.
Do not plea bargain when no physical violence occurred on your part. All of a sudden your beloved Child is your legal “adversary” represented by an extremely hostile Legal Aid lawyer, also secretly assisting your ex, while being paid by the Violence Against Women Act funds and organizations. This Legal Aid monster needs to secure the next year’s budget by raising false statistics of DV. They may illegally threaten you that you will never see your child again unless you admit “guilt”, such as exchanging unkind words with you soon-to-be ex wife, allegedly within an earshot of your Child (it does not matter that the Child was in school at the time of a row, as the court is busily fabricating their own version of reality, to put you, the man, in a house of pain). Read the applicable law. Devour legal cases decided by the Appellate Court in similar circumstances, as if your life depended on it, because it does. Marginalized, criminalized, dehumanized and destroyed financially, about 26,000 American men commit suicide annually.
These “court officers” are getting out of their way to find you guilty of anything, by hook or by crook, often fraudulently. By so doing they want to set you off on a downward spiral of destroying your fatherhood and turning you into a financial slave, while turning your child against you. The courts and the “attorneys for the child” actively participate in alienating your child against you that a vindictive ex may use to spite you. A concerted effort by the Court System against you is the bottom line. There are several forces here at work; each may become the subject of a separate discussion. But the Family Court laws and Court Systems are incentivized top to bottom, to act as described herein.
Unless you put a few miles between yourself and your ex, there will be repeat allegations, the second time over turning into some really serious legal trouble. If you have an outstanding order of protection, you may be jailed just because you parked your car within 100 ft from where she parked in the local Supermarket’s parking lot. Do not let this lynch mob win. Take any allegation, no matter how “off the wall” it may look to you, very seriously.
The process of legal abuse is further incentivized by the Federal Title IV (d) Law, dispensing bonuses to judges for screwing you over to the max. You have a house? – Kiss it goodbye. You have a bank account? – Kiss it goodbye. Kiss goodbye to you future earnings. If you lose your employment and can’t pay the spousal and child support, you go to jail. “Slavery is Freedom.”
Welcome to being a man in America, 2012, my friend.
Domestic ViolenceDomestic Violence |
The WORST part about the DV laws in Washington is that DV includes “inflicting the fear of harm”. RCW 26.50 How do you prove the “fear of harm” in family court? A woman simply says that she is afraid and it does not matter what evidence supports that. (A dad could have been pacing in front of the house thinking of how to fix his kid’s bike and he admits to pacing and the mother says he was “gearing up” and getting more mad and about to come in the house and hurt her, for example).
The most hypocritical thing about the VAWA is that it says it’s purpose is “to protect women and children”. How is that so when 60% of child abusers are biological mother? How do you put the perpetrator and victim in the protected class of that law? How do they do that when 50% of DV perpetrators are women.
Assault IS ALREADY a crime. We do not need an extra law that makes assaults in the home (or among partners) a crime. The only reason for an extra law is to make money, or to make convictions easier or to change the burden of evidence.
Answer me this then, if a majority of men accused of domestic violence are losing their money, house and assests, then why nationally are the highest rates of homelessness among women and children?
Were are you getting this false information. men make up 90% of the homeless. get the facts straight Betty. you should also know that the criminal justice system, the Domestic violence Industry, and the family court industry are all set up to enrich the lives and wealth of women by forcibly taking wealth and property from men. Betty you speak like someone who is drinking the feminist coolaid. Don’t believe the feminist hype Betty.
False accusations by women are mostly ignored, down played, or over looked.
Betty,
Even IF that was true, WHAT does that have to do with DV? There are men who are getting financially screwed in family court, but still have enough to have their own apartment or rent a room, etc. Men who make 50-100,000 a year get financially raped in family court. They cannot afford the same 5,000 sq foot home so they have to get a measely apartment. You are hyping up your response and being overly dramatic.
Thanks for your article Eric. I was recently charged and arrested for 3 counts of telephonic harassment by my ex girlfriend (she also got a stalking preventive order but did not file it). My correspondence with her was purely conversational and none threatening in any way. I have no priors and she admitted there has never been and violence or threats of violence. Its no coincidence she filed the complaint a few hours after I had informed the wife of the man she was cheating on me with. This has all been a bad dream. for those few conversational texts I have been jailed and incurred great, emotional and financial stresses. It’s important for boys and men to know these laws and their rights.
You may not be arrested just on charges of “telephonic harassment”, unless there is a warrant for your arrest, signed by the judge. That would require a hearing. If the Police arrested you just because the g/f wanted them to, they committed the crime of “false arrest and imprisonment.”
Hi my name is javier Clorio I work for SOI TV a Hispanic television station and I am doing a story on domestic violence towards men. I was wondering if you could help me with an interview or recommend me with someone that knows about the subject. I am in New York. Thank you.
Don’t get married. Don’t have children.
I am writing this after searching many websites .My brother is a resident in USA. He got married in India 3 years ago.He has gone back a couple of times to see his wife in India and during his last trip she concieved. This year April her applications came through and she came down to the US. Since she came my brother has been very very upset . She refuse to eat which was not healthy for the child. My brother is staying with my parents. My mom cooked for her to eat , took care of her as her own and finally she delivered a baby boy in May. Things got worse after that , she kept on telling my brother that she wants to go back to India and she does not love my brother . My brother being soft and kind hearted , told her if she would like to go visit her parents , he will buy her the ticket but for the child to travel is not good as it is not even 2 months old. BUt if she wants we can go together once the boy is older , she refused and the next day she staged a drama and called the police stating my brother abused her.He was not even at home , he was at work. He spent 11 hours in the lockcup with USD50K bail. I just dont understand how does the police do their job. What kind of evidence do they need to actually classify the case as domestic violence.
The reason I am writing this is to seek justice for my brother .No guy deserves to go to prison just because his wife does not love him anymore . Please help my brother . This is injustice . If we allow this now it will happen over and over again.
Please help
It does happen over and over again.
We are not lawyers, so we cannot provide legal help. But if you wish to have your story made known to the public, write it down truthfully, and we will have it published.
Unfortunately, I am familiar with similar stories in regards to couples from India. In fact, in my county the whole family was jailed for a long time because the young wife accussed her husband and her whole family of “trafficking” her… because she was expected to wash dishes in the household. I am afraid, some Indian women today expect that their husband would build Taj Mahal for them.
The police do not impose a bail. The judge does. There must have been a hearing, in the course of which your brother should have been given an opportunity to cross-examine the plaintiff in order to demonstrate that her allegations were false. He probably was not prepared to do so himself, or had a lousy lawyer.
most lawyers are have a feminist way of thinking so it does not bother them to shaft men.
That’s why it’s best for a dad to learn how to represent himself. I did it and got custody. I’ve seen 100s of dads do the same, do their own trials and more without an attorney and save THOUSANDS and do better than any attorney would even try.
See proof here, if you don’t believe me:
HowIgotCustody dot org
This was written in one breath (so the writing technique is perhaps far from perfect) but it is the meaning that counts.
It must be mandatory reading to all young men, from high school to college graduates. Young American men do not know that American feminist jurisprudence turned the men’s world into a mine field, where men’s lives are often blown to pieces, shattered by any encounter with women. While over 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce, women take it all — house, savings, and men’s future earnings, even more than men can actually earn.
While the US has hardly 4.5% of the world’s population, it houses 66% of lawyers. Like sharks, smelling blood they created thousands of laws stemmed from VAWA. Why? — The cashflows into their pockets. Men being traditional breadwinners is where the money is, that’s where legal sharks go huntin’ for fresh, warm blood.
It is our duty, as men, to WARN our sons. Being a romantic is all good, till a relationship hits the snag…
I wrote this article. “By Anonymous” is a publishing mistake. But it does not matter, as long as the target audience is reached before our sons are trapped.
Eric Ross, PhD, on behalf of NCFM, Greater NY Chapter
http://fathers-and-children-coalition.blogspot.com/2012/03/what-is-domestic-violence-anything-your.html
Dr. Ross, how true your statements are. I have counseled others in this predicament and now it has come home to roost. Pls. also, add another word of warning. Before your sons marry, have them do a background check. This can be as simple as googling the beloved womans name.