NCFM Member Tim Patten on “Misogyny and Bachelorhood”

May 4, 2016
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misogynyMisogyny and Bachelorhood

Early on during the 2016 Republican presidential primary campaign, Donald Trump took umbrage at aggressive questioning by Fox News moderator Megyn Kelly at one of the debates. In addition to characterizing her as “not very good or professional,” Mr. Trump said, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”[i] That latter remark triggered a firestorm, with the outspoken candidate being widely accused of misogyny—hating or disliking girls or women.[ii] [iii]

Unfortunately, as with many of the words and phrases that are being carelessly thrown around in these days, they are not necessarily being used to make a thoughtful or coherent point; they are being deployed as weapons of gender manipulation and hate, coopted and maligned by radical feminists and other man-hating ideologues in a quest to undermine male influence and advance selfish agendas.

The notion of “misogyny” dates back to ancient times, when Hesiod, the Greek poet believed to be active between 750 and 650 BC, described women in largely unflattering terms. That said, the term actually had a different meaning back then. According to Hans Licht, author of History of Greek Life and Customs, the pejorative “woman hater” expression was applied mostly to gay men.[iv] Ironically, it is not uncommon for a modern gay male, who may be vagina-phobic or even disgusted by that part of the female anatomy, to view women as perfect friends.

Individuals Shriek Misogyny

Regardless, when the word misogynistic is used, it is typically uttered in a very disparaging manner. In essence, it is spat at men, mostly by women—often with a raised middle finger, a clenched jaw and exposed teeth—who scream out, “You’re a misogynist!” To an outside observer, it appears as though these women are confronting child molesters, baby rapists or the lowest forms of life on Earth. For some, in fact, the term is viler than the N-word.[v]

Online, there are hordes of web warriors freely writing and repeating the term, anonymously assassinating one another in an attempt to upset, denigrate and injure. A 2006 study of Internet chatrooms[vi] found, for example, that accusations about pervasive online misogyny—amounting to, on average, 100 threatening or sexually abusive messages per user each day—came from accounts with feminine usernames and were directed at those with male usernames. It concluded that female cyber-bullying of males was far more common than the reverse.

In fact, anecdotal and other evidence makes it clear that men rarely use this term, while women say it regularly and repeatedly, almost like a machine gun, “killing” all males within their intended sights. More often than not, if a man writes something that offends a woman in even the slightest way, she’ll quickly shoot back a response with one phrase: misogynist!

Institutionalized Misogyny

Not all of these diatribes target individual males. While women have penned missives against Trump and others, they have also organized attacks aimed at disparaging groups and gatherings of men. Like a nagging wife, large numbers of women have convinced the Southern Poverty Law Center, for example, that “the manosphere,”[vii] a loose and informal network of blogs, websites and internet commentators that focus on issues related to men and masculinity, is comprised ofhate groups.” Consequently, the SPLC has declared that men who advocate in favor of male gender equality or against marrying American women, or anyone holding opinions that run counter to feminist dogma, are misogynists.

Even bachelors aligned with Men Going their Own Way (MGTOW) and pick-up artists, who probably wouldn’t view themselves as anti-women at all, are deemed to be practicing misogyny. For the most part, men are classified as haters by definition; even those who have been falsely accused of rape are not immune from being characterized in this way. According to the SPLC, virtually any man associated with a male safe-space or group is automatically a misogynist who must be silenced or otherwise stopped.

Academic Identification of Misogyny

The notion that a large number of maleswhether or not they say or do the “wrong” thingsare women-haters is not limited to entities such as the SPLC. Academia has also imbued scholarly research and educational curricula with a wide range of gender-based distortions. For example, Psychology Today expert Dr. Berit Brogaard,[viii]author of 12 Ways to Spot a Misogynist, identified what he believes are telltale signs of when a man hates a woman:

  • He approaches her for a date
  • He makes a promise and does not keep it,
  • He is late for a date
  • He is self-centered
  • He treats women differently than men
  • His sexual etiquette lacks foreplay

Other academics, most notably those who are involved with women’s and gender studies programs, seem more than willing to support the sort of dangerous thinking that Dr. Brogaard is promoting. Among other things, they are quick to label male students as potential rapists, fueled by misogyny.

And as has been the case for decades, the media and those in publishing and other creative industries are only too happy to provide a forum for those who espouse such views. Magazines such as the Feminist Current claim most men are part of a “culture of predatory misogynists”,[ix] while the Odyssey has said, “maybe all men are misogynists.”[x] No one should be surprised, of course, that the alleged gender authorities are nearly all women, evaluating men’s nature through the prism of the women’s movement for equality.

Women Hate other Women

But what about their own gender? Females who maintain that they know more about masculinity than men generally have little to say in regard to women’s issues. Unlike with men, for instance, evidence suggests that females often dislike other females for no logical reason at all.[xi] In fact, some commentators claim an internalized misogyny is the driver behind a hatred for themselves and other women. According to NAIJ.COM editor Nkem Ikeke, “women can’t relate to other women and they get along better with males.”[xii]

Dr. Seth Myers, writing in Psychology Today, says that this inability extends much deeper when women are competitive: at that point, they will often exhibit snarky and bitchy conduct toward one another.[xiii] Another Psychology Today article theorizes that women are more sensitive to being social outcasts than men, which leads them to deploy backstabbing rumors as a weapon of choice.[xiv] In many workplaces, it is not rare to see women raising petty barbs against other females, mostly behind their backs. It seems they need to hurt other women to feel better about themselves.

Women’s Violence against Women

While there is little doubt that what is on television is often fantasy, the fact that competitive contempt and cattiness toward other females is a staple feature of daytime programming suggests these attributes are more than a figment of somebody’s imagination. During any four-hour watch-a-thon, for example, viewers might see women screaming, yelling, pulling hair, slapping and physically hitting each other. There are also unscripted talk shows where women call each other names or denigrate others’ beauty, intelligence, dress, make-up, weight, personality and affluence. Women, not men, are the propagators of slut-shaming and similar broadsides aimed at lowering somebody’s social standing.

Perhaps another reason why women are inherently more hateful than they claim men are stems from the disturbing fact that 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance, while more than 10 million suffer from eating disorders.[xv] On the face of it, this would seem to indicate that women have major self-esteem issues and inferiority complexes of all types. While many women find it easy to label men as the haters, perhaps this perspective is merely a reflection of their feelings about themselves?

What is Love?

Sadly, the research and perspectives detailed above can easily leave one feeling cynical. If Dr. Brogaard is correct in the view that men hate women, and if women feel hatred toward themselves and other females, how can love intervene amid all the animosity? How can romance be planted into such a contaminated soil and be expected to grow?

Something is broken. Our modern society somehow misplaced the ancient cultural values that once made marriage work. Collaboration has been replaced by gendered distrust and rivalry. Today, marriage is dangerous for men, in particular. It is physically and emotionally draining and, at worst, deadly. Instead of enjoying what should be an ongoing positive experience, married couples are required to work on their partnership every day,[xvi] as well as spend extra time on each other’s priorities.[xvii]

But where does this leave them? In many instances, both sides are miserable. Research indicates that most married couples argue, on average, seven times a day, amounting to 2,455 arguments per year.[xviii] Almost 50% of marriages fail; in those instances where partners remain together, almost 60% are unhappy.[xix] Every minute, 20 people who “are in love” injure one another through physical domestic violence.[xx] And quietly, married men are committing suicide from endless couples bickering.[xxi]

This is what Americans call “love, marriage and happiness”. Today, millions of unhappy couples are expending an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to keep things together. Their relationship is like another job, where they hang on in hope of maintaining scarcely civilized households. Unfortunately, the fallout from these strains doesn’t just affect them; their children, and the generations that follow, will be greatly harmed if things carry on as they are.

Conclusion

Clearly, society is ripe for innovative approaches that help people engage with and love each other in healthier ways. Meanwhile, there is a growing understanding that bachelorhood is not a matter of hate, but an escape hatch from endless rounds of conflict and societal pressures fueled mostly by women’s movements. Men don’t want a domestic relationship of violence. Instead, they see a beacon in the darkness, directing them to a more favorable option: living a single life. As bachelors, men can assemble and mold the best of all worldly delights, cherry-picking life and social elements. Men are shaping an individually tailored and exceptional lifestyle, and experiencing uninhibited or unhindered freedom.

If Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) is seen by some as a hate group, so be it. In reality, it is freeing men from socialized expectations that invariably lead to schisms and unhappiness, and while also saving them from future disasters. It is obvious why men enjoy spreading MGTOW stories and understandings of toxic relationships: they are the path to the world’s oyster of independence, happiness and personal pleasure.

About the Author

Tim Patten published MGTOW, Building Wealth and Power. He also wrote WHY I CHEAT  11 campfire stories for men’s ears only. Both books are a celebration of masculinity and pay homage to the modern men’s liberation movement. Patten previously published a novel about establishing gender equality in professional sports, Roller Babes: 1950s Women of Roller Derby.

[i] http://nypost.com/2015/08/08/trump-megyn-kelly-had-blood-coming-out-of-her-wherever/

[ii] http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2016/03/donald_trump_has_one_core_philosophy_misogyny.html

[iii] http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/08/08/donald-trump-s-gross-history-of-misogyny-from-rosie-o-donnell-to-megyn-kelly.html

[iv] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny

[v] ibid.

[vi] http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/09/04/men-are-harassed-more-than-women-online.html

[vii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manosphere

[viii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201502/12-ways-spot-misogynist

[ix] http://www.feministcurrent.com/2014/11/05/it-is-all-men-our-culture-of-predatory-misogyny/

[x] http://theodysseyonline.com/creighton/maybe-all-men-misogynists/112205

[xii] https://www.naij.com/428639-true-talk-four-reasons-women-hate-each-other.html

[xiii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201309/women-who-hate-other-women-the-psychological-root-snarky

[xiv] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201309/women-who-hate-other-women-the-psychological-root-snarky

[xv] http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/02/why-do-women-hate-their-bodies/

[xvi] http://sixseeds.patheos.com/davewillis/5-things-your-marriage-needs-every-day/

[xvii] http://www.aprioritizedmarriage.com/blog/make-your-spouse-a-priority-every-day

[xviii] http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1389002/Fallout-Couples-argue-average-seven-times-day.html

[xix] http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/more-are-unhappy-in-their-marriage-than-ever-before

[xx] http://www.ncadv.org/learn/statistics

[xxi] http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2623873/You-really-nagged-death-Excessive-demands-partners-double-risk-dying-middle-age.html

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Misogyny

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10 Responses to NCFM Member Tim Patten on “Misogyny and Bachelorhood”

  1. Rick Martin on May 5, 2016 at 1:08 PM

    Another excellent Article Tim!

  2. Marc on May 4, 2016 at 6:32 PM

    One thing the MGTOW folks need to do is stop bashing the MRM. I know most don’t, but I’ve seen too many do it. We are not your enemy. We respect what you do and some of us are both MRA abd MGTOW. We simply do not agree that avoiding women will mean there are no more issues for men to deal with. There are still false accusations, unequal criminal sentencing, health issues, paternity fraud, sexism in the selective service, genital integrity issues, homelessness, suicide, education issues, male rape victims, and other issues of misandry and discrimination against men that aren’t about divorce.

    • Rick Martin on May 5, 2016 at 1:07 PM

      Agreed. We men have enough battles to fight with women, without fighting amongst ourselves. I’m an MRA and also a MGTOW and to me, both these groups are fighting for the same things.

  3. jdcinsf on May 4, 2016 at 5:48 PM

    Some authors who have “fame” or a “brand name” established or lets say work as a TV sportscaster where they can get wide public visibility will be accepted and even lured by traditional publishing houses.

    I’m not famous, so I use iUniverse self publishing.

    The book: Why I Cheat is my top seller so far.

    • Healey Park on May 5, 2016 at 7:01 AM

      Thank you for your reply. Congratulations on your book “Why I Cheat” being your top seller.

      So I can get an idea of the public’s perception and reception of “Why I Cheat,” how many copies of if have you sold so far?

      • jdcinsf on May 5, 2016 at 10:35 AM

        These stories connect with men and all are typical toxic marriages and relationships with wives or women. When women by the book, they react very negatively because the stories do not follow the current narrative that women win over the bad guy in the end.

        Thousands of copies have been sold.

        Writing books is not a profitable enterprise unless you have fame…

      • jdcinsf on May 5, 2016 at 11:34 AM

        I just checked royalties for Why I Cheat, there have been 1017 books sold since it was first published

        • NCFM on May 5, 2016 at 3:22 PM

          Congratulations Tim!

        • Healey Park on May 5, 2016 at 6:07 PM

          Thank you, and congratulations. That’s a respectable number of sales.

  4. Healey Park on May 4, 2016 at 4:05 PM

    It appears from Amazon.com that this author’s two books are self-published, i.e., a publishing house does not think they are marketable and therefore do not want to publish them and/or advance the author any fees.

    Does anyone know how many people buy this author’s books? His two above-titled books are ranked very low on Amazon’s book sales, but I don’t know what that means about the total number of his books that have been sold.

    Does anyone know how many of these books have been bought by the public, not including any the author may have bought to distribute to family, friends, or for marketing reasons?

    I am curious about the public’s reception or perception of these books, which in part is reflected in book sales.

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